“Jess asked me what I’m doing with my place today,” Jamie said. Lou didn’t pause her typing to answer, “Why do you have to do anything with it?”
Jamie let out a small sigh. You will never get a proposal from this woman, she thought, and it was probably why she kept holding onto that apartment. “Since I’m hardly there. She wants to know if I want to rent it out to them. Like, officially.”
“Them? As in, they’re moving in together?”
Jamie shrugged. “It’s not so surprising. They’ve been dating over a year now.”
“Dating.” Lou snickered. “Remember all the months they made us keep it a secret? Ian-fucking-Thompson? It’s just so weird. We’ve known him since we were kids.”
“We’ve known each other since we were kids. How is it different?”
“I don’t know, it just is,” Lou said. “He’s kind of a freeloader, a stoner, a deadbeat. Don’t you hate this?”
“What good would that do if my sister loves him?”
“Love? What if she marries him? Then you’re stuck. He could be your brother-in-law! Ian Thompson! Yikes.”
“The heart wants what it wants,” Jamie said.
“Our sisters have garbage taste in men,” Lou said, and Jamie raised an eyebrow at her.
By that, Jamie knew that Lou meant her own sister’s lover—Jordan, the throbbing crush turned into a real permanent live-in boyfriend. Lou wasn’t fond of him, either. Granted, that happened fast by anyone’s pace, and Lou needed a lot of time to come around to things. More than four months, anyway. But the hot gossip entertained her. She was obsessed with the drama of everyone else’s relationships but her own. But maybe she should get her own house in order before judging everyone else.
“You just don’t like anybody,” Jamie said.
“That’s not true. I like a few people.”
“Exactly. You could count them on one hand.”
Back to her laptop. Lou was in her first year as a junior at a really great law firm, and she wanted to make a good impression. And she would, probably. There was a lot to like about Lou. She was hardworking, funny, bold. Flip some of those things around—she’s also neglectful and unavailable, she’s crass, immature, and sometimes insensitive. Every virtue was a back-handed flaw. Maybe that’s why they kept breaking up and getting back together, that double-edged sword. Jamie wasn’t perfect, either, she knew.
“What don’t you like about me?” Jamie asked.
“Don’t be a weirdo. I like everything about you.”
Jamie shook her head. “Nobody likes everything about another person.”
“I don’t like that you’re a weirdo then. Happy?”
“I’m needy,” Jamie offered. “I’m jealous. I take everything too seriously. Like, you don’t take anything seriously. Ever.”
“I took the fucking bar exam seriously. Is that not enough?”
Jamie meant emotionally. Lou had the emotional maturity of a twelve-year-old boy, and there was no point arguing with her about it.
But now Lou was stressed out. “Can we just not do this right now? I have to file these documents tonight. If I don’t, the partners are gonna have my ass!”
“You hate that I can’t let anything rest,” Jamie went on.
“Sure, I hate that.”
Jamie frowned. “Really? You don’t like that about me?”
“That’s a trap,” Lou sneered. “Don’t do that. I hate when you set these traps! There, that’s what I don’t like about you.”
Their arguments were well practiced by now, and Jamie knew not to press things even further. She would go to bed, and Lou would finish her work. In the morning, they would start over. If Jamie wanted some grand romantic gesture—from Lou, it was never going to happen.
———
Contrary to her apparent reputation, Lou was not in the habit of disliking people for no reason. Actions have consequences, and sometimes that consequence is that people remember what you did, who you hurt, and how many times. Maybe Jamie could accept Ian into her family, but Lou had plenty of reasons to dislike Jordan Graham.
She knew more about Jordan than she cared to know, because her sister told her everything. From the beginning, she knew all about the baby mama drama, the on and off and back and forth. “Do they ever really quit the mother of their children? Really? I bet they’re still banging on the side.”
“They’re not,” Maria insisted.
Lou knew that on Maria’s last birthday, he wanted to bake her a birthday cake—or have one made, because he didn’t bake—but why? What game was he playing? Because shortly after that, he pushed away Maria’s hug, which made Maria cry. What kind of guy hated hugs? Especially hugs from someone as sweet as Maria? And did Lou really want her sister to be with someone so fickle?
But this man swirled around in Maria’s daydreams, and unfortunately, Lou heard all about those daydreams. Lou couldn’t tell her headstrong baby sister anything, one way or another—never could and never will—until the night she came home sobbing for a second or third or fourth time, because he said he was leaving.
“That fucking creep,” Lou said. “I’m gonna call him. Let me call him.” Lou didn’t need Maria to offer up his phone number, she already had it, but she respected her sister’s wishes. Not that a person shouldn’t have the right to go where they needed to go, but Lou was sick of seeing her sister cry. And that wouldn’t be the last time, either.
Last August, they were working hard on a special wedding at the hotel, and Maria was invited as a guest.
“Maybe I won’t go,” Maria said, crying into a pillow on her bed. The dress she chose, but hesitated to put on, still hung in the closet, ruby red and skin-tight. It was the dress she had saved for what she dreamed might be their first date.
“You have to go,” Lou told her. “Go, and look sexy as fuck, and then tell him to fuck all the way off.”
In the end, Maria went to the wedding. And Lou could tell she wasn’t having fun because the texts came every ten minutes. A full recap of the scene, including photos. The heartbreaking romance of it all, the holographic hearts, the sweet little peach-scented candles in a fishbowl vase, sprigs of dried sage and wildflowers. Wispy tendrils of satin draped from the rafters, their movement captured in pixels as a summer breeze cut through the room. “He put this all together,” Maria said. Everywhere she looked, there he was.
Maria: He’s refilling champagne glasses. I want one, but I don’t.
Lou: You should find another guy who’s single and stick your tongue down his throat. Make sure he sees it.
Maria: I think all these guys are married. The only ones who aren’t are either sixteen or sixty.
Lou: That works, too.
Maria: Eew, Lou! You’re gross!
Lou: Whatever you do, don’t forgive that asshole.
Maria: You don’t really know him. He’s not an asshole. He looks so handsome in his service uniform, all tucked in and standing up straight.
Lou: You’re hopeless. You’ve forgiven him already, haven’t you. Jesus, woman! At least make him beg for it!
But Maria didn’t make him beg for it. All he had to do was look at her from across this room, head tilted like “I’m sorry” and he was already forgiven.
Straight women were fucking hopeless.
Lou knew Jamie wasn’t asleep already this fast. You can’t weather a fifteen-year relationship and not have a spat or two or fifty. Probably, Lou had made Jamie cry before.
But what Lou disliked about Jamie was also what made Lou love her. She wanted so much because she was full of fire and passion. She never let things go because she loved to make things right. She pushed all of Lou’s buttons, but she was always willing to give her another chance.
Jamie opened her eyes and turned to face her as Lou cuddled up behind. Her bright hazel eyes were gentle and begging, “It was too much, and I’m sorry.”
Hell, she was already forgiven.
“I hate when we fight,” Lou said.
“Me, too,” Jamie agreed.
“But I like it when we make up.” Lou growled a burst of kisses into Jamie’s neck, and then their lips were inseparable.
They were making up. Again.
So it wasn’t just straight women who were hopeless.
———
For three days the whole county shut down for the holidays, and Lou hardly knew what to do with herself. She’d already been to the gym, so all she could think to do was what she normally did when she’d run out of work—she went to her sister’s house. A gaggle of children answered the door, and Maria called out, “I’m in the kitchen.”
“Who are you?” one of the boys asked with a guarded look on his face.
“It’s Aunt Lou,” Johanna said. “She can be your aunt, too. Right, Aunt Lou?”
“Oh, um, the more the merrier, I guess.” Because, like, she wasn’t about to say “no” straight to their faces.
At some point it would probably stop being such a surprise how different everything was now. How Maria’s whole house was different, overrun with testosterone and boy energy, a sharp whiff of body spray on one of them and body odor on the other. Not like her precious little niece JoJo, whom Lou had known since her first newborn cries, who smelled like fresh air and spilled sugar-sweetened cereal milk.
Maria had once told her the boys’ names, but Lou had already forgotten, and she had no clue how she’d ever tell them apart. They were absolute clones of their father, whom Lou did not care for, but she would try not to hold that against them. Innocent until proven guilty and all that.
“So what do you guys like to do?”
“Stuff,” the grungy one said and then laughed at himself. JoJo laughed heartily with him.
“What do you do?” the coiffed one said with a punkish smirk.
“I’m a lawyer,” Lou answered.
“So, what? I’m president of the student council.” His arrogance suggested that he wasn’t lying about that. “I mean, like what do you do for fun?”
Was work not fun? Lou hadn’t been their age for two decades, but if she recalled correctly, she had been the type of kid who thought work was fun back then, too.
“Like, what games do you play? Sports? Hobbies?”
Okay, Lou had something here. She was a little bit sporty. “Running, I guess.”
“Like, marathons? Or on track team?”
Lou shrugged. “Uh, on a treadmill.”
They both smirked at her like she was the most boring person alive. Lou glanced at JoJo like, Help me out, girlie. But JoJo just giggled.
“Hang on, I need to check the kitchen.”
Lou had no business in any kitchen whatsoever, at any point in her life, but she needed backup. Maria had two plates of fresh-baked cookies on the counter and was also getting a pie ready for the oven.
“Help me, sis! It’s brutal out there.”
Maria chuckled. “They’re sweet. They’re just seeing what buttons you have to push. Kids will do that.”
“Ugh, that’s why I have fish.” Lou watched the sink spray into the air like a fountain, perplexed. “Hey, um, did you know your sink is pissing?”
Maria grinned dreamily. “Yeah, my handyman will get it.”
They set the baking aside, away from the spraying water, and the two of them rejoined the children. Tensions settled a little, and Lou discovered that the boys had a strong lust for fart jokes and mischief. “Really,” Maria whispered, “You guys have a lot in common after all.”
Then Jordan appeared from wherever elsewhere he had been, with sawdust and snow on his coat, a toolbox set beside the door, and an awkward stance like he wasn’t quite staying or going.
Lou nodded her head toward the kitchen. “Did she tell you? The sink is pissing.”
“Already fixed it,” Jordan said.
“Already?”
“Eh, no big deal. Hey, kids, still wanna hit the skate park before dinner?”
Three energetic children squealed “yeah” in chorus and bounded for their coats and boots. Johanna, too. Lou felt betrayed.
“JoJo? You’re going, too? But I just got here!”
“She goes wherever they go,” Maria explained. “She’s basically their shadow.”
“It’s okay, Aunt Lou. I played with you so many times. I need to go play with Felix and Milo now.”
They all nodded in agreement like this was the most sensible truth in the world. And that was how Lou gained two nephews and lost a beloved niece all at once.
Maria served them a plate of her freshly-baked cookies and piping hot chocolate. Lou settled into the quiet of the empty house, which wasn’t as comforting as she hoped, weighing up the gains and losses of the morning.
Maria offered her sister a sympathetic smile. “It’s okay. I’m not her favorite, either, and I gave birth to her.”
Lou was impressed by her sister’s Christmas cookie spread. But she was also concerned. “How’s that Christmas weight coming along?”
“Geez, Lou, pretend not to notice or something.” Maria sneered at her sister, but she didn’t stop eating the cookie. “It’s the sweater, mostly. And these cookies are for Mom’s house tomorrow night.”
The cookies were delicious, and Lou was comforted by the nostalgic flavors. She didn’t exactly blame her sister for gaining five pounds worth of the buttery sugary happiness, and she wasn’t only being a punk, but part of her yearned to spend more time with her sister. “Come to the gym with me.”
“Ew, no way!” Maria said. “You go at five in the morning. And anyway, I need some sisterly legal advice, not fitness advice.”
“Why? What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“What did he do?”
“He didn’t do anything,” Maria said. “It’s his ex. She’s a monster. She got their custody hearing pushed back to January because she doesn’t want to give up half. I think she’s gonna try something.”
Maria had a desperate look on her face. A look of being in over her head. Oh, little sisters. “Maria, I’m in criminal prosecution, not family law.”
“I know, but isn’t it a little the same?”
“No, it’s not.”
“Fifty percent?”
“Like, fifteen percent? Does he know you’re telling me this?”
“Maybe… no?”
Lou sighed. “Okay, what is it?”
Maria told Lou some of the more superficial details, choosing her words delicately. Lou knew there was a lot she held back. There were nasty text messages, verbal assault.
“Was it never physical?”
“I don’t think so,” Maria said. “But probably he wouldn’t tell me if it ever was.”
“Who is he working with?”
“George McCarthy.”
“George is good.” Lou nodded. “But document everything. Keep the texts. George had this case a few years back, actually. It was domestic abuse, but the wife deleted all the texts and emails, so they couldn’t use them. Couldn’t prove it, so they couldn’t use it. The guy was unhinged, like straight-up psycho. He almost ended up killing the new boyfriend since they had no evidence to file a restraining order. Duh, don’t delete the texts. He would have told her so, but she already did it. George isn’t the cheapest, but he’s good. You get what you pay for.”
“It’s okay, we’ll figure it out. Jordan makes decent money, but he doesn’t have a drop of savings.”
“You’re not paying for it,” Lou said sternly.
“You can’t tell me what I can pay for.”
“So, are you going back to work?”
Maria grimaced. “Uh, probably no.”
“You can’t be a stay-at-home mom to a guy who has no legal obligation to you. A guy who has no savings and is about to have massive legal debt. Even if you were married, it’s a sketchy plan at best. You’ll squander your future earnings potential and just burn through your savings.”
Maria rolled her eyes. “Meh.”
“So you told him about the money?”
“Uh, no, not yet.”
“Jesus, Maria!”
“It’s complicated! It wasn’t the right time.”
“When is?”
“I don’t know, but not right now. After the holidays, maybe. I don’t want to ruin our first Christmas together. It’s such a magical time.”
“Custody battles are expensive. He’s broke, and you’re not. This is gonna be trouble. You’re not married, you can still change your mind about it all.”
Maria frowned. “Change my mind how???”
“You know, there are plenty of dicks in the sea. This one just seems like so much work.”
Maria’s eyes went rabid with disapproval. “You don’t just ditch somebody because they’re having a hard time! God, Lou! This is why you’re a terrible girlfriend!”
“I am not a terrible girlfriend!”
Maria looked doubtful.
“But like, just don’t marry him,” Lou insisted. “Of all things, don’t make this mess legal.”
Maria turned up her nose and sassed back, “Don’t tell me what to do. I’m not five, and you’re not Mom.”
“Heh, like you ever listened to Mom, either.”
“Well, he’s not asking, anyway,” Maria added, sadly.
“See what I mean? You’re putting in wifey-level energy, and he’s not asking you to be a wife.”
“Do you want me to be a wife or not? You just said you don’t want me to marry him.”
“You shouldn’t!”
“You don’t know anything.”
“I know things you don’t want to admit are true.”
“You just wouldn’t get it.”
“I know, I know, his penis is majestic or some shit?”
Maria remained silent, probably thinking about dick.
Lou shuddered and laughed at the same time. “Ugh. Stop. Never mind. I do not want to know if it’s true. I know you’re a saucy little freak.”
Maria cracked up. “Stop it. I’m a saint.”
footnotes on all the reasons why Lou dislikes Jordan: he pushed away Maria's hug, then he made her cry, and made her cry again, then he left, and Maria was sad again, then he dragged Maria out in the camper with him, then he flaked out and brought her back home 😵💫 (We love you, Jordan, but you're kind of a huge huge mess!)
- our leading ladies being sweet for a minute
- “love making up with you” the spicier version 🌶️🌶️ on Pillowfort
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