boxes and squares #4.5: home is wherever you are, part 3

October 2088. Jordan Graham is 28, Maria Boone is 26, Johanna is 4, Lou Corelli is 29. Stephanie Nova is 28.

previously: Is anyone else going to grad school or to climb mountains that I should know about? Maria?

Maria felt tender and deflated about her sister’s underwhelming reaction to her news, and she didn’t know what to do about that, so she just took her sorry butt to work. For the last time, perhaps. If she was going to move her whole life into her boyfriend’s camper in a few days’ time, quitting this job was a necessary first step.

She had been so excited to tell Lou. But maybe that was dumb—Lou was always going to be Lou, too practical and grounded and allergic to joy. But if not Lou, Maria wondered who else would possibly be happy for her and this huge moment in her life?

Not her parents, for sure. Not her boss. Not her co-workers.

Thankfully, Maria could delay any more announcements until the end of their shift. It was all hands on deck tonight. Tonight was the reason she could only visit Jordan for twenty-four hours, so that she could make it back to help with this big lunch catering order they had due on Tuesday morning. And didn’t that feel silly now, knowing that she was going to quit and run straight back to him? If she didn’t have JoJo to come back for, she might have just blown them all off.




But, no, she couldn’t do that to Stephanie. Stephanie was a sweetheart and she didn’t deserve to lose the sous chef she’d poured so much energy and knowledge into. If Maria had learned anything at all about cooking, she’d learned it from Stephanie.

When Maria came here two years ago, it was just a lowly kitchen job. It was just something to fill her time and pad her budget as a widowed single mom. Who could have guessed that the people she met here would change her whole life so much?

As the night slowed down, Stephanie wandered off into the greenhouse, and Maria was left alone with Sharon in a perfectly quiet kitchen. The prospect of another disappointing conversation felt so daunting. How did Jordan do this? He was so much braver and stronger than she was. Maria only wanted to go home and cry, although the prospect of disappointing Stephanie made her want to cry, too. And the prospect of being yelled at by Sharon made her want to hide in the pantry.



Two conversations to have, and both of them were going to suck. So she delayed having either of them and just stood in the kitchen, texting her boyfriend instead.

He was just home from climbing, he wrote, freshly showered, and wrapped in only a towel.

Maria: Oh, is that right? Pics or it didn’t happen.

Jordan: As you wish.

Maria’s phone went *ding* with an incoming photo. So much glistening, wet skin, taut muscles, and such a very loosely draped towel.

“Oh, my,” she said with a small gasp, pulling her screen to her chest, even though Sharon was the only person in the room and she wasn’t paying any attention.

Maria longed to be there in that bed with him, pulling off that precarious towel, instead of having to be here in this kitchen, dropping her terrible news on everyone’s bland Monday night.

Maria: 😍😍😍 You’re making me blush in front of my boss. 

Jordan: You asked for it! 😆

Maria: I guess I literally did ask for it. 

Jordan: Be careful what you ask for. It’s my mission in life now to give you everything you want.

There’s the motivation, she thought. That feeling, that love, and nobody could tell her that was stupid. No matter how ugly this process became, it would be worth it to run straight back into his arms when it was all over.

Maria: So, did Sharon yell when you told her?

 

Jordan: No, she didn’t yell. She won’t yell at you. That wouldn’t be fair. You’re allowed to quit a job. You’re allowed to make choices for yourself and JoJo that other people might not agree with. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Maria: Okay. I’ll remember. Wish me luck!

The kitchen greenhouse was a favorite haunt for Stephanie. She often snuck out here at different parts of the night to check on the plants or take inventory. It was lovely and dark, a little chilly in the night, and heady with the scent of tomatoes, basil, and parsley.

“It’s so quiet and peaceful,” Maria said, “I see why you like it out here.”

“When are you leaving?” Stephanie asked, beating her to the punch.

“Oh, how did you know?”



Stephanie shrugged, always quiet and observant, always knowing things in her way. “It was a lot of little things.”

“I need to be with him,” Maria said. “He loves me, and I love him, and we need to be together.”

“Oh, I know, honey. I would be disappointed if you didn’t go.”

“You would?”



Stephanie nodded. “Of course. I knew ever since he asked me to bake that birthday cake for you. You should have seen his face.”

“Really?”

“Don’t feel bad. Everybody’s leaving, you know.”



“Oh? But Drake is still here.”

“His girlfriend graduates this year,” Stephanie said. “She’s a music major, so she’ll want to move away. And he wants to marry her, so he’ll probably follow.”

“What about Ian?”

“Maybe a year or two into grad school, he’ll need to start an internship. He won’t have time for this.”

“Oh,” Maria said. “Well, now I do feel bad. It makes it worse that everyone’s leaving.”

“It’s not your fault,” Stephanie said. “Hospitality industry, high turnover. This place is just not what it used to be. Maybe I should be leaving, too.”



Stephanie laughed it off, so Maria laughed with her, but she looked so worn down sometimes, like her life had been hard and unfair. Maria hated to add to that stress.

“I’m sorry to do this so suddenly. I mean, this doesn’t happen all the time, feeling this way? It’s worth trying to make it work?”

“I know it is.”



“But everyone thinks this is so stupid.”

“Everyone? Who said that?”

“Well, I guess just my sister so far,” Maria admitted. “But it’s just, I was so happy. I was so excited to tell someone, and she just thought it was the dumbest thing. And the thing is, if she took it that badly, I know my parents won’t approve.”



Stephanie lingered a moment in her memories before deciding to launch into a story. “Okay, so… When I first kissed Justin, we were both married to other people. None of our families were excited about that. Okay, well, except for maybe my mom. She always liked Justin for me. But he was actually married to my high school best friend. And… it gets worse. I had a crush on him all through college, but guess what I did? I set him up with that friend, who he ended up marrying. Not one of my smarter moments.”

“Oh, wow. You never told me that.”



“It’s not the kind of thing I tell many people. A lot of people were mad for a long time. Sometimes it’s messy. Sometimes nobody gets it but the two of you. Sometimes it looks wrong on the outside. But you know in your heart what the answer is. Maybe only you know it, but that’s enough.”

“Oh, gosh, thank you for saying that.”



Maria ambushed her friend with the biggest hug. That was everything she needed to hear tonight.



With a boost of confidence from her talk with Stephanie, Maria went back into the kitchen to drop what she feared would be the biggest bomb of all.

“Is this an okay time to talk for a minute?”

“It’s fine,” Sharon said, one eyebrow raised.



“First, I just want to say, this was such a great place to work, and you all are so great. I’m so sorry to do this, after everything, but I have to go. It’s not because of the work or anyone here. It’s, well, about someone who isn’t here anymore.”

“Ah, yes, that Jordan.” Sharon shook her head. “How does he manage to steal even more of my employees all these months later?”

“I guess maybe you didn’t know we were a couple?” Maria said. “I mean, we didn’t used to be, but now we are.”

“I see. Are you a mountain climber too?”

“Oh, no. Definitely not. I’m just going to be a girlfriend, I guess. I don’t really know what I’m going to do for a job, I mean.”

“Well, I can’t say that I’m entirely surprised,” Sharon said. “You literally have not been off that phone since the day he left. At least now I won’t have to have a disciplinary talk with you. I really don’t enjoy conflict.”



“Oh,” Maria said, phone in hand, Jordan’s texts open on the screen. “Was it that bad?”

A single nod.

“Yikes. Sorry about that.”



“Okay, well, best of luck to you both,” Sharon said.

“Thank you. You’re not mad?”

“Oh, I’m a little annoyed,” Sharon said. “But what are you gonna do? It’s the hospitality industry, high turnover.”

And so Maria’s biggest bomb landed with a soft fizzle.



Outside it was still raining, dreary, and cold, but Maria only wanted to twirl in the drizzle and skip to her car.

The deed was done. The only thing left to do now was to book their train tickets to Sierra Nova, and to tell Jordan that they’d see him on Wednesday.

Maria had no idea where in the world she would be two months from now, six months, next year, because supposedly Jordan said that was an amazing way to live, and she promised him she’d give it a try. But for two years this charming hotel had been a second home to her. What great memories she would take away from this place.

—

Only bring what you can carry, he said. So Maria packed as little as she could imagine and she still couldn’t carry all of that. Never mind that Johanna was too small to pull her own suitcase.

They’d be back in December to decide what to do with the rest of the house. They had until the end of her lease in February to decide. That was for the best maybe. Maria was under no illusions about Jordan’s track record of indecisiveness, and if she intended to bind herself to that runaway train, she would do it mindfully. It was wild and unhinged and completely instinctual, but also, Maria had never felt so adult, making this decision for herself and her little girl. They all might have their opinions, but nobody could tell her what to do. And she didn’t feel wrong for it, no matter what a runaway train he might be. For a man who had so little in the way of monetary possessions, she never felt more protected than in his arms. If he said they would be okay, then she would believe him.

Knock, knock. Lou was at the door.




Lou made a face at the disarray of semi-packed suitcases on the floor. “So you’re really doing it?”

Maria didn’t answer that question.

“How am I gonna stop by to see you after work?”

“Guess you’ll have to get on a train,” Maria said with as snotty a tone as she could muster.

She went back to the floor to continue her packing, but she didn’t end up moving a single thing.




“I know how you feel,” Maria said. “I really do. A lot has happened since, but when he first told me, I was heartbroken. It’s like, this whole person is part of your life for so long, and then they decide to just go? I guess that’s what I’m doing too, isn’t it? It’s pretty shitty, I know it is. But people can’t stand still around you forever. People change and grow and move, and you can move with them or let them go. But we’ll be back. And you’re single and child-free and not broke. You can visit us, too. You should travel more, there’s a whole world to see. And you’re welcome with us any time. We’re still family.”

“God, you’re so sappy,” Lou said, wiping her eyes. “Why is my face leaking?”

“Aw, I love you too.”

Lou came to sit on the floor next to piles of folded laundry and unmarked boxes. Her nose tickled with dust.

“Please don’t tell Mom and Dad yet,” Maria begged. “Give me a week or two?”




“Don’t you think they’ll notice when you don’t need them to watch JoJo while you work?”

“I was going to bring JoJo out to see Jordan next month,” Maria said. “I’ll just say we went early.”

“They’re going to miss her. They’ll be sad.”

“I don’t know about sad,” Maria said. “Mom thinks I’m a burden.”

“She never said that.”



“She doesn’t have to say it. She would never. Joseph died a war hero, so she so can’t say it because she doesn’t want to look bad. But I know she wished I never got married and knocked up and widowed at twenty-one in the first place, then she wouldn’t be honor bound to help me. She thinks I’m a wreck. She already raised her children, and she never wanted to help raise a grandchild, too. Well, now she doesn’t have to worry about us anymore.”

“Well, damn, sis. I don’t know about all that, but she’s still gonna worry, for sure! Just like, don’t get knocked up again.”

“Ha ha,” Maria snarked.

“I’m serious,” Lou said. “There was a birth control recall! You need to refill it.”

“Oh.”



“Okay.” Lou took a breath and sat up tall. Lawyer mode activated. “So you need to bring JoJo’s birth certificate, and Joseph’s death certificate, too. Did you put a hold on your mail? Do you want to give me a key to check up on things? Put travel alerts on your credit cards. Auto pay your rent while your gone. Pay your own way, and keep your money separate from his. Holy shit, you crazy fool. What the fuck are you gonna do in Nevada?”



Maria grinned. “I don’t know yet. I have no idea!”




“Thank you,” Maria said, ambushing her with a hug. Having her sister’s blessing meant the world to her, even if she never listened to a damn thing her sister ever said.

—

It was nearly midnight now. Johanna had long since gone to bed, and Lou left with a key to check up on the place while they were gone. Maria’s two piles were sorted, at last. One pile to bring now, another pile to deal with in a couple months when they returned. Old things, but important things, untouched in years but not to throw away. Relics of another time.

Oh, but that old violin.




She stopped performing years ago, some time after she married Joseph. Maybe she’d been caught up in the whirlwind of becoming a sudden military wife and soon-to-be mother. She could hardly consider this thing important since she only picked it up rarely, when she was tipsy or mournful or both. It was certainly a relic from another time, but it called to her now for some reason. It also wasn’t very big. Maybe she could find the case for it.

She moved it to the “take now” pile.



And the rest? Most of this had belonged to Joseph. A box of his things that she carried from place to place—if not for her own memory, she imagined Johanna might like to see some of it someday. Bank account paperwork. Some old photos, honorary medals, a folded flag. Her wedding ring was in there, too—his had exploded in space with the rest of him, of course.

She didn’t know where this stuff should go, but it had to go somewhere, and she doubted the cramped confines of a traveling camper was the most appropriate place. Maybe Lou would keep it for her? Or her parents? Joseph had none of his own family left, no siblings, no parents, no connections, only this old family money he left for them, and she felt wrong to actually use it most of the time. What would he have wanted her to spend it on? Definitely not her new boyfriend, that much she understood.

He certainly wouldn’t have chosen this life for them. She was a bad widow for not thinking of him often enough. Their short time together faded and now she’s been longer without him than she was ever with him. Should she have grieved him harder? Should she be sadder as she packed up this stuff he never touched from a condo he never lived in? But she wasn’t sad. She was the opposite, really. She was throwing herself and their daughter into the arms of a new man with great joy and without an ounce of hesitation.

Maybe that’s why she thought of Joseph now, too little, too late, on the eve of this whole new life. To say goodbye with finality. To say, I’m sorry.

—

🎶 Oh, home, let me come home
Home is wherever I’m with you 🎶

— — — 

footnotes: remember back when Stephanie first kissed Justin? ❤️

story notes: I always felt Maria had a little tension with her parents. She’s not as close to them as Lou is, or as close as she is to Lou. So now we know why?

And "book" 4 is complete! We'll visit other households for a couple of posts before we move onto "book" 5.