So Maria and Drake put the finishing touches on the wedding cake and cupcake display. Drake was studying culinary arts at Dresden. He used each kitchen utensil for its intended purpose—never grabbing a fork instead of a whisk just because it was nearby—and he knows the French names for all of his methods. Not only that he knows the French words, but he speaks each one in a pompous French accent, because, of course, he’s also studying French in university.
Maria much preferred cooking with Stephanie, who was also a home-taught chef. But, obviously, Stephanie wouldn’t be asked to cook for her own wedding.
It had been a long day. This wedding, in particular, had been a long six months in the works. Just when Maria’s last nerve was about to fray, Jordan found her here.
“How’s it going, Drake? Best cupcakes ever?”
Maria snickered to herself knowing that Jordan probably shouldn’t have asked. Because now Drake wanted to explain how a cream cheese frosting would set bad on one’s palate after an acidic cocktail, so then he started mixing up cocktails—without the alcohol, of course, Sharon didn’t let them just get smashed on the job—so he could demonstrate the flavors. The science of taste buds. Maria just wanted to finish these cupcakes and go home. She was coming up on twelve hours on her feet here today, and counting.
“I need to borrow Maria,” Jordan said to Drake. Then under his breath to Maria, “You look like you need to be borrowed.”
Salvation. Thank you.
“Drake, you better take care of storing the cupcakes,” Maria said, following after Jordan so fast that she may have spun up some dust in this pristine kitchen. “I’m sure they taught you the best way to preserve their deliciousness in culinary school.”
“They did! Do you want me to teach you?”
“Maybe next time...”
The night was gentle and calm, a literal breath of fresh air. Maria could only be happier if she were sitting. The sky was overcast and heavy with rain that wouldn’t fall until morning. And Jordan was here. Her heart’s longing. He stopped beside her without complaint as she lingered by the pond. The connection between them crackled with electricity. Did he feel it, too? The grounds were set for romance—the crickets’ song, the fireflies, a glistening ripple in the pond, even a pair of swans.
“I need to borrow Maria,” Jordan said to Drake. Then under his breath to Maria, “You look like you need to be borrowed.”
Salvation. Thank you.
“Drake, you better take care of storing the cupcakes,” Maria said, following after Jordan so fast that she may have spun up some dust in this pristine kitchen. “I’m sure they taught you the best way to preserve their deliciousness in culinary school.”
“They did! Do you want me to teach you?”
“Maybe next time...”
The night was gentle and calm, a literal breath of fresh air. Maria could only be happier if she were sitting. The sky was overcast and heavy with rain that wouldn’t fall until morning. And Jordan was here. Her heart’s longing. He stopped beside her without complaint as she lingered by the pond. The connection between them crackled with electricity. Did he feel it, too? The grounds were set for romance—the crickets’ song, the fireflies, a glistening ripple in the pond, even a pair of swans.
“Do they bite? I heard swans are mean.”
“Nah, these two old ladies have no bite left in them.”
“Wow, my spirit animals.”
He laughed. “You still have a little bite, I’ve seen it.”
“Maybe. Thanks, by the way, you’re my actual hero. If I had to hear one more time about the emulsification process of butter.”
“Don’t worry, he graduates next year. I bet he won’t stick around. This way, I need you in here.”
I need you, he said, which she stored in her mind like a treasure.
If only.
He took her to the barn, where the tables were set and lights were strung.
“Sharon wants the light to hit right here where they’ll have their dance and speeches. There’s too much light, I think.”
“Yeah, that is pretty bright.”
“So if you could stand here, maybe twirl or something? I’ll run out to the control box and adjust it.”
“Oh. Ha, okay. I’m not much of a dancer, but I’ll give it a whirl.”
He took her to the barn, where the tables were set and lights were strung.
“Sharon wants the light to hit right here where they’ll have their dance and speeches. There’s too much light, I think.”
“Yeah, that is pretty bright.”
“So if you could stand here, maybe twirl or something? I’ll run out to the control box and adjust it.”
“Oh. Ha, okay. I’m not much of a dancer, but I’ll give it a whirl.”
Maria spun around a little, she broke out some moves from her Zumba videos. She knew he was watching, silently. And she let him think she didn’t know it. How warm and fond they were. Why did he rebuff it, again and again?
She finished spinning to marvel at tiny falling holograms. Hearts.
How charming it was to be Stephanie.
“Perfect,” Jordan said from the doorway, where he stood quietly admiring.
But then Maria was struck with sadness at all of this.
“If only,” she said. “I mean, this is so beautiful. And she deserves it, I’m not saying she doesn’t. But why do you think some people get happy endings and others don’t?”
“Oh, hell if I know. Sorry, I was just fixing the lights.”
Jordan had a worried look of having done something wrong, and which made Maria smile. Made her heart ache just a little more. He was no philosopher, and she didn’t need him to be. He was thoughtful and generous and usually aloof. But the way he stopped, really heard her, that slight raise in his eyebrow that said he cared in ways he couldn’t put words to, it meant everything to her. It was one of the few things she cherished in this life.
“I guess it probably sucks for you to work here, with all the weddings,” he said.
“Sometimes I think I should feel worse.”
“Why should you feel worse?”
She and Joseph got pregnant first and married soon after. A traditional shotgun thing, not that anyone’s parents demanded it, but Joseph was a traditional sort of guy. He would have been a good husband, probably. That’s what everyone said. He would have been a great father. Maybe. Maria had never known him to care for a pet or sibling or even a plant, but he had that dominant kind of control that would have led a household like a Navy ship. Probably his sharp edges would soften and he could be caring and patient and devoted and all those things a father and husband needed to be. Parenthood brings out the best in people sometimes, except when it doesn’t.
But none of that mattered now because that wasn’t what fate had in store for them.
“Joseph was a fine enough guy and everything, but he and I weren’t together very long. You know, it’s not like I lost the love of my whole life or anything. Maybe he would have been in time, but that didn’t happen for us, and now I’ve known all kinds of people longer than I ever knew him. Ha, I’ve even known you for longer, actually. So is that it? Is that all the love story I get?”
“I doubt it. You’re only twenty-six. You can’t quit and become a retired pond swan yet.”
“Can’t I? Why not?”
“Because that would be a shame.”
She sighed. She looked him in the eyes. Maybe she shouldn’t poke it, but she couldn’t resist. Part of her didn’t want to know. Part of her wanted to keep this cherished fantasy alive, because without that, what else would she have? But the other part of her, the part that hoped, was stupid. “Why? Why would it be a shame?”
“Maria, you know you’re great.”
“Oh, like, ‘you have a really great personality’ kind of great?”
“You do have a great personality. But that’s not all.”
“Okay, I’m a good friend, too? The plain-looking plucky friend who’s a little bit funny, in a good way.”
“Maria. You’re not plain-looking.”
“What am I missing here?”
“You know, I’m not a reliable kind of guy.”
“That’s not nice to think about yourself.”
“You can think nice things about a person if you want, but that doesn’t make them true.”
“So tell me why.”
“Colette is right to be pissed at me. I wasn’t around after she had the boys, and it took me years to take any real responsibility. But then I tried. I’ve been trying for years. And I love them, but now I’ve been trying to figure out how to leave.”
“Leave Colette?”
“Leave, everything. I mean, it’s not like I want to leave my boys, but she’d never let me take them. So what am I supposed to do? Maybe I could take them sometimes. But I just need to go, you know?”
“Where do you want to go?”
“Well, there’s this thing I booked in Nevada, but that’s not all. Because after that, I’m going to Japan. And after that, I want to hike the Pacific Crest Trail—that’s more than a long weekend, it takes half a year! I want to see Argentina, and Alaska, and Europe. Just, everywhere. I want to be free to go. To work how I want and go when I want and break out of all these boxes.” He may have sounded flippant at first, but as he went on, his tone took a sharp turn toward desperation. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I know it sounds bad, but I don’t think I’m cut out for it, you know, being that kind of guy. The kind of guy who has all his shit together. Because all I really want to do is figure out how to just get away from it all on my own.”
“Oh. I get it.”
“But do you?” He shook his head. “See, I didn’t want you to feel like this. I mean, this isn’t because of you. Because, if I was meant for that normal kind of life—”
“No, it’s okay. I get it.” Maybe Maria understood, intellectually, but it felt too much like rejection in this moment, in this night with the pond swans and the holographic hearts. It hit worse than rejection. There was a finality to it. How can you ever be with someone who wants to be alone? There was less than the slim chance of hope she thought she’d been holding onto. She shouldn’t have poked. “I... I have to go finish a tofu saltimbocca.”
“Wait, Maria.”
And, she suspected, she needed to run to the pantry to have a little cry.
—
In gameplay, these two truly have the sweetest and easiest connection. Always positive moodlets, always laughing and flirting playfully. But Maria poked, and she got her answer. It might not be the outcome she hoped for, but she would need to know eventually.
Ha, that swan exchange made me laugh!
ReplyDeleteBut oh, this one hurt vicariously! Poor Maria. But if it wasn't meant to be, then it wasn't meant to be. And if it was...well, then it will be eventually.
I’m so happy the swan bit was appreciated! 😁
DeleteHurt indeed! But it was finally time for her to take a hard fall out of that fantasy bubble. Reality is messy, but maybe it’ll be worth it?
Thank you for reading!