previously: Micah Phoenix dies
Don’t worry about what Jack is doing, or how well, or how fast. Except that Jack just graduated onto the medium wall today, and his first attempt was going flawlessly. Jack was spritely, dexterous, and precise. He was actually ready for the medium wall weeks ago but probably didn’t want to make everyone else feel bad.
Envy never helped anyone, Jordan told himself. He hated to be like this. It made him feel ugly and unfair. So instead, he told himself that he was making progress, too. Slow, sure progress. Today, for example, he hadn’t eaten dirt all day.
Not yet, anyway.
Jack’s wife, Nessa, came to their evening climb session sometimes. They let their kids run wild around the water park, and Nessa came to check out Jack’s progress.
That damn envy again, as much as he wished it away. Jordan wanted his own kids to be here, running wild around the water park. They would love it here so much.
Nessa stood at the bottom of the cliff face and gaped in horror. Jack jumped up to the next hold, all hands and toes in the air. Jordan had seen Jack do that many times before, but this was a fresh nightmare for his wife.
“Oh, no. What in the fresh hell? Did you see that?”
“Yep, I saw it,” Jordan said.
“He wasn’t holding on.”
“I know. He does that sometimes.”
“Why?!? Why does he do that?”
Jordan shrugged. “Oh, because he can, I guess?”
“Do you climb that one too?”
“No, I definitely don’t climb that one. Not yet anyway.”
Nessa took several deep breaths.
“It’s okay,” Jordan said. “He won’t get hurt. He’s good at this. Really good. Has he done this before?”
Nessa shook her head. “No, never. And it looks terrifying. And I don’t really understand it, but here we are. His dad died last month, and now he’s having a bit of a midlife crisis. At least it’s climbing and not another woman, am I right?”
She didn’t look entirely certain about that. Maybe she might have endured another woman.
“But it’s great that you guys are new at this together,” Nessa said. “You can look out for each other.”
“Well, sure. Of course,” Jordan said, but he doubted his ability to be of much use. “I don’t know how much good I can do for him, but I would try.”
Jack touched down in the dust and came bounding over to them, excited and proud. He made it up and down the medium wall on his first try with no hesitation, no slips, and no falls. “Hey, babe! Did you see that? That was wild!”
“Oh, I saw it,” Nessa said.
After his climbing for the day, Jordan went to his favorite spot to take a rest. It wasn’t the first time he’d sat here so quiet and still beneath this tree that people didn’t even notice him. It was especially awkward when couples started making out in the nearby hot springs, and he just had to sit through it because it would be even more awkward to get up and leave.
But Jordan didn’t hold it against them. Everybody had to live a little.
This time, it was just Jack. “Wow, what a view. Can I join?”
“Sure,” Jordan said. Jack seemed like a decent guy, so it wasn’t fair to hold his talents against him. It only just occurred to Jordan that a healthier choice might be to ditch the jealousy altogether and ask for some pointers.
The two of them had quite a lot in common. Jack had two boys and a little girl. He loved being in nature and he was the leader for his kids’ scouting group. He played basketball in high school. He was decent, but not good enough to go pro. He had tried plenty of sports in his life, but he never guessed that this one would be his true calling. Rock climbing? Who would have thought?
“Man, you gotta tell me how you climb like that,” Jordan said.
“Oh. Well, my dad, I guess,” Jack said. “He was a climber. Or well, he wanted to be. He had all these books. I’ll bring them in next time. You can borrow them. It was all he ever talked about. He climbed some in gyms, but he never got to do this.”
“Sorry for your loss,” Jordan said. “Uh, your wife told me, maybe I wasn’t supposed to know.”
Jack nodded, not surprised. “It’s okay. Everyone knew him around here, everyone knows. It’s why I’m here, really. One of the last things he said to me was, ‘Do what really matters. Do it now, not later. You never know when your time will run out.’”
“I can’t remember the last thing my dad said to me,” Jordan said. It had been years, almost a decade now, but sometimes the loss hit him hard still. “Sorry, that was too heavy.”
“No, it’s alright,” Jack said. “How long ago?”
“Uh, almost seven years now.”
“Damn, you were just a kid. That’s too soon.”
Put that way, it hit harder. Jordan hadn’t thought of himself as a kid, but all these years later, he could see how fresh and hopeless he had been then. Still was, maybe. He sure wasn’t done with his dad when he passed. He needed so much more.
Kristoff declined for no stated reason. Darren was a maybe? And Jordan?
“Oh, Thanksgiving?” It had been a very long time since Jordan attended any sort of Thanksgiving gathering. Togetherness was not really Colette’s thing. She liked to take the boys somewhere expensive and foreign, where Thanksgiving didn’t exist. Even when his dad was still alive, it was usually just the two of them and a store-bought meal in front of a football game, which was wonderful, but small.
Funny enough, when he and Maria first met, when she found out that he usually spent the holiday alone, she promptly invited him to her family’s Thanksgiving dinner. The gesture was appreciated, but they had only known each other a few weeks, so he politely declined. This year, she was coming to visit him. The November weekend that Maria got off work, the only good stretch of time she could spend here, was over Thanksgiving weekend. They hadn’t talked about what they would do, only that they would be together.
“I don’t know what my plans are,” Jordan said. “My girlfriend is in town that week.”
Jordan wasn’t looking to find his tribe here, but they scooped him up, folded him into their world, and adopted him anyway.
It was everything. Almost.
The boys kept up with their homework, so their mom let them keep their phones. Jordan called them every day after school. When he couldn’t stay up late enough to catch Maria in the evenings, he called her first thing in the morning instead. He silenced his phone during his work and his climbing, so Colette couldn’t reach him every second she wanted to nag about something. She could scream into the void for all he cared.
He worked wherever he could fit the gigs in. People needed decks repaired, drains snaked, furniture moved, drywall patched. He could do a little of everything. When he got paid, the first thing he did was stop at the post office mail little gifts to the kids. Before all of this, he had told them all it was a vacation, that he would be back soon. And it was true that he would see them soon, but it was increasingly untrue that this was a vacation. It may have started as one, but as the days rolled on, as this adventure took root, grew, flourished, and thrived, it became clear to him that he didn’t belong in Wisconsin. This vacation wasn’t a gap year, it wasn’t a fluke, it wasn’t a mistake—it was the seeds of a new life.
This time it was a life he carved for himself, and every part of it was chosen intentionally. Work that sustained him, play that fulfilled him, small moments of bliss, laughter with new friends.
It was everything. It could be everything, but there were some vital pieces missing here.
So he was here, but his loved ones were there, and he was torn in two trying to fathom how he could ever choose one over the other. Stay or go back, live free or return to a tidy box in the suburbs and be the proper man they all deserved. How could he make that choice? It was impossible. What was the answer?
Maria deserved more than a part-time boyfriend. His kids deserved a full-time dad. And he deserved what exactly? Was anyone owed happiness, contentment, fulfillment, or love? Maybe what you got out of life was just the luck of the draw. Choose what you could, because wouldn’t it be selfish to try to have it all?
For now, he was still trying to master this thing. He put aside his envy and disappointment, and he actually watched, actually listened. He read the books Jack lent him, and he learned enough to discuss the methods and theory. He learned the stretches, and he remembered to chalk his hands and wear his sunscreen. He found muscles in his forearms and obliques that he didn’t know he had. He felt enough progress now to know that even if this was hard, it wouldn’t be hopeless forever. When he slipped, he caught himself. When he fell, he landed on his feet.
You weren’t supposed to fall in love with this. It would all be so much easier if you didn’t.
If he didn’t love these people, the lifestyle, the rocks, the heat, the dry dusty air, and the sun nestling itself between rocky peaks every night, if he didn’t love how it set his spirit on fire, then he could just go back to Wisconsin and be done with it. There were a whole lot of people back there who would be glad to see this not work out.
But as it turned out, he did love it. And he wasn’t bad at it either, he just needed time.
“Nice!” Maya said, more often these days. “You know, I think you might be ready to take it up a notch. I think you might be ready to take a shot at that medium wall.”
After hoping for to hear those words for weeks, the idea now felt daunting. “Wow, really? I don’t know.”
“You could, start with the bottom,” she said. “Then work your way up. Same height, but new routes and new challenges.”
“Um, yes. Soon. Not today though.”
Maya laughed. “Sure, whenever you feel up to it.”
He didn’t want to break his back the day before Maria got here. He had plans for the next couple of days that involved being very limber and able-bodied.
You weren’t supposed to fall in love.
Jordan felt foolish to admit that he’d never loved a woman before Maria. His previous relationship was not the loving type. He wasn’t prepared for how this was supposed to feel, so pure and healthy, how every joy felt like ache because she wasn’t here to share it with him, and how every sorrow he longed for her comfort because he knew it would be so replenishing. How could he have known that’s what love could be?
He always knew the separation would start to wear on her, and he was so sorry to be the cause of all her strife. Could a short twenty-four hours really make up for all that trouble? Would it be enough?
The camper was clean and as fixed as he could make it. He tried to fix that electrical panel, but it was hit or miss. The sheets were taken to the laundromat, the bathroom scrubbed, and he stocked the small refrigerator with some basic groceries. He would make her breakfast. Her cooking was better than his, but he wasn’t totally hopeless in the kitchen. He could make a few things.
It was so hard to believe she was really going to be here, finally. It was too long. He felt nervous, and he also felt silly for feeling nervous.
She thought that was adorable. “What are you nervous for? Am I supposed to be nervous?”
“You don’t have to be,” he said. “Probably better if you’re not nervous, too.”
“I’m excited,” she said. “And I’m scared.”
“Oh, why are you scared?”
“Maybe for the same reason you’re nervous?”
Maybe if they didn’t say it out loud, it wouldn’t have to be true. That there was a hefty chance this visit would make or break them. It was a whole lot of pressure on twenty-four little hours.
The park had thinned out of its adventurers. The sun had set and gone, the twilight fading to a deep blue sky, vacant of clouds, only the first speckle of stars beginning to pop, one by one, like someone flipped on their switches. With what last light his old cell phone could find, he took a picture and sent it to her. It couldn’t capture the brilliance just like how his words fell short of describing the enormity in his chest. “It looks better in person. Can’t wait to show you this.”
“How will I get up there?”
“I’m gonna carry you up the wall under one arm like I’m King Kong,” he said.
“What!?” she squealed happily.
“Just kidding, there’s stairs, too.”
She hated to let him go, but she had to get back to her packing. She had a train to catch in the morning.
“What kind of clothes should I bring?”
“Um, something to wear out to dinner? A bathing suit, maybe? Or don’t bring any clothes, I’m just gonna take them off you anyway.”
“Is that a promise, mister?”
“Cross my heart.”
“See you tomorrow, my love.”
“I’ll be counting the minutes,” he said.
Envy never helped anyone, Jordan told himself. He hated to be like this. It made him feel ugly and unfair. So instead, he told himself that he was making progress, too. Slow, sure progress. Today, for example, he hadn’t eaten dirt all day.
Not yet, anyway.
Jack’s wife, Nessa, came to their evening climb session sometimes. They let their kids run wild around the water park, and Nessa came to check out Jack’s progress.
That damn envy again, as much as he wished it away. Jordan wanted his own kids to be here, running wild around the water park. They would love it here so much.
Nessa stood at the bottom of the cliff face and gaped in horror. Jack jumped up to the next hold, all hands and toes in the air. Jordan had seen Jack do that many times before, but this was a fresh nightmare for his wife.
“Oh, no. What in the fresh hell? Did you see that?”
“Yep, I saw it,” Jordan said.
“He wasn’t holding on.”
“I know. He does that sometimes.”
“Why?!? Why does he do that?”
Jordan shrugged. “Oh, because he can, I guess?”
“Do you climb that one too?”
“No, I definitely don’t climb that one. Not yet anyway.”
Nessa took several deep breaths.
“It’s okay,” Jordan said. “He won’t get hurt. He’s good at this. Really good. Has he done this before?”
Nessa shook her head. “No, never. And it looks terrifying. And I don’t really understand it, but here we are. His dad died last month, and now he’s having a bit of a midlife crisis. At least it’s climbing and not another woman, am I right?”
She didn’t look entirely certain about that. Maybe she might have endured another woman.
“But it’s great that you guys are new at this together,” Nessa said. “You can look out for each other.”
“Well, sure. Of course,” Jordan said, but he doubted his ability to be of much use. “I don’t know how much good I can do for him, but I would try.”
Jack touched down in the dust and came bounding over to them, excited and proud. He made it up and down the medium wall on his first try with no hesitation, no slips, and no falls. “Hey, babe! Did you see that? That was wild!”
“Oh, I saw it,” Nessa said.
After his climbing for the day, Jordan went to his favorite spot to take a rest. It wasn’t the first time he’d sat here so quiet and still beneath this tree that people didn’t even notice him. It was especially awkward when couples started making out in the nearby hot springs, and he just had to sit through it because it would be even more awkward to get up and leave.
But Jordan didn’t hold it against them. Everybody had to live a little.
This time, it was just Jack. “Wow, what a view. Can I join?”
“Sure,” Jordan said. Jack seemed like a decent guy, so it wasn’t fair to hold his talents against him. It only just occurred to Jordan that a healthier choice might be to ditch the jealousy altogether and ask for some pointers.
The two of them had quite a lot in common. Jack had two boys and a little girl. He loved being in nature and he was the leader for his kids’ scouting group. He played basketball in high school. He was decent, but not good enough to go pro. He had tried plenty of sports in his life, but he never guessed that this one would be his true calling. Rock climbing? Who would have thought?
“Man, you gotta tell me how you climb like that,” Jordan said.
“Oh. Well, my dad, I guess,” Jack said. “He was a climber. Or well, he wanted to be. He had all these books. I’ll bring them in next time. You can borrow them. It was all he ever talked about. He climbed some in gyms, but he never got to do this.”
“Sorry for your loss,” Jordan said. “Uh, your wife told me, maybe I wasn’t supposed to know.”
Jack nodded, not surprised. “It’s okay. Everyone knew him around here, everyone knows. It’s why I’m here, really. One of the last things he said to me was, ‘Do what really matters. Do it now, not later. You never know when your time will run out.’”
“I can’t remember the last thing my dad said to me,” Jordan said. It had been years, almost a decade now, but sometimes the loss hit him hard still. “Sorry, that was too heavy.”
“No, it’s alright,” Jack said. “How long ago?”
“Uh, almost seven years now.”
“Damn, you were just a kid. That’s too soon.”
Put that way, it hit harder. Jordan hadn’t thought of himself as a kid, but all these years later, he could see how fresh and hopeless he had been then. Still was, maybe. He sure wasn’t done with his dad when he passed. He needed so much more.
“But it’s never long enough,” Jack added. “I’m lucky I had my dad for as long as I did, but it’s never long enough. You can borrow my dad’s wisdom if you want.”
“Thanks. I’ll keep it in mind,” Jordan said. “So you’re probably going to summit in January?”
“Ha, that would be fun. But no. Nessa said no.”
“She did? Why?”
“She doesn’t trust it. She thinks it’s beginner’s luck, better safe than sorry. Fair enough, I don’t need to rush and leave my wife a widow and my kids without a dad. Right?”
“Yeah, for sure.”
“I’ll summit next year with you.”
“Cool.”
“But I’m still going on the trip this winter, to support the team. I’m bringing the family, take the kids sledding. Are you coming?”
“My kids would love that, but that’s a little rich for me right now. I need to put my deposit towards the spring training session. Next year for sure. I’ll start saving now, take my kids sledding in Japan. Sounds wild.”
Colette wouldn’t even let the boys come to Nevada; what were the chances she’d ever let him take them to Japan? It seemed so far out of reach. But maybe. He wanted to believe.
“Who’s got the meat?!” Tyler whooped from the picnic area, so loud the whole park probably heard it. The air smelled of chargrilled burger and sounded like community.
“Better go grab those burgers before they’re gone,” Jack said, so the two of them got up and rejoined their team.
The group of them hung out sometimes after climbing, when their energy was spent and the sunlight began to fade. They grilled red meat for protein and drank Gatorade by the gallon. Nessa brought more food from home. The kids ate while still wearing wet bathing suits, and the climbing crew stretched and relaxed and laughed into the twilight.
“Eat up!” Nessa said, laying out a spread of potato salad, baked beans, and even waffles.
“Wow, you made all this?” Maya asked.
Nessa laughed. “Oh no, my mother-in-law is the chef. You don’t want to see me in the kitchen. In fact, everyone, you’re all invited to Thanksgiving. She’d love to have a really full house and lots of people to cook for. It would mean the world to her this year.”
Jack nodded in agreement. “It’s been a rough time, but the distraction would be good. They were married for forty years, and this is her first holiday without him.”
Everyone was so sorry to hear that, but unfortunately, most everyone also already had plans.
Tyler politely declined. He had a bittersweet history with the Phoenix family, thanks to a rough breakup with his high school girlfriend, Summer. They always said he was welcome in the family any time, and though he and Summer made their peace, he had his own family to focus on now.
“Thanks. I’ll keep it in mind,” Jordan said. “So you’re probably going to summit in January?”
“Ha, that would be fun. But no. Nessa said no.”
“She did? Why?”
“She doesn’t trust it. She thinks it’s beginner’s luck, better safe than sorry. Fair enough, I don’t need to rush and leave my wife a widow and my kids without a dad. Right?”
“Yeah, for sure.”
“I’ll summit next year with you.”
“Cool.”
“But I’m still going on the trip this winter, to support the team. I’m bringing the family, take the kids sledding. Are you coming?”
“My kids would love that, but that’s a little rich for me right now. I need to put my deposit towards the spring training session. Next year for sure. I’ll start saving now, take my kids sledding in Japan. Sounds wild.”
Colette wouldn’t even let the boys come to Nevada; what were the chances she’d ever let him take them to Japan? It seemed so far out of reach. But maybe. He wanted to believe.
“Who’s got the meat?!” Tyler whooped from the picnic area, so loud the whole park probably heard it. The air smelled of chargrilled burger and sounded like community.
“Better go grab those burgers before they’re gone,” Jack said, so the two of them got up and rejoined their team.
The group of them hung out sometimes after climbing, when their energy was spent and the sunlight began to fade. They grilled red meat for protein and drank Gatorade by the gallon. Nessa brought more food from home. The kids ate while still wearing wet bathing suits, and the climbing crew stretched and relaxed and laughed into the twilight.
“Eat up!” Nessa said, laying out a spread of potato salad, baked beans, and even waffles.
“Wow, you made all this?” Maya asked.
Nessa laughed. “Oh no, my mother-in-law is the chef. You don’t want to see me in the kitchen. In fact, everyone, you’re all invited to Thanksgiving. She’d love to have a really full house and lots of people to cook for. It would mean the world to her this year.”
Jack nodded in agreement. “It’s been a rough time, but the distraction would be good. They were married for forty years, and this is her first holiday without him.”
Everyone was so sorry to hear that, but unfortunately, most everyone also already had plans.
Tyler politely declined. He had a bittersweet history with the Phoenix family, thanks to a rough breakup with his high school girlfriend, Summer. They always said he was welcome in the family any time, and though he and Summer made their peace, he had his own family to focus on now.
Kristoff declined for no stated reason. Darren was a maybe? And Jordan?
“Oh, Thanksgiving?” It had been a very long time since Jordan attended any sort of Thanksgiving gathering. Togetherness was not really Colette’s thing. She liked to take the boys somewhere expensive and foreign, where Thanksgiving didn’t exist. Even when his dad was still alive, it was usually just the two of them and a store-bought meal in front of a football game, which was wonderful, but small.
Funny enough, when he and Maria first met, when she found out that he usually spent the holiday alone, she promptly invited him to her family’s Thanksgiving dinner. The gesture was appreciated, but they had only known each other a few weeks, so he politely declined. This year, she was coming to visit him. The November weekend that Maria got off work, the only good stretch of time she could spend here, was over Thanksgiving weekend. They hadn’t talked about what they would do, only that they would be together.
“I don’t know what my plans are,” Jordan said. “My girlfriend is in town that week.”
Girlfriend, he said, which brought a foolish grin to his face. The word filled him with such a warm and bubbly feeling. He hadn’t called someone his girlfriend since the ninth grade. He never even called Colette that, always just “the boys’ mom” or by name, except for the occasions he called her his “ex.” Jordan had a girlfriend now, and it was the most wholesome thing. “I’ll have to ask her. You know, because she might want to cook our own thing.”
“She cooks?” Nessa sprung up from the table with wonder in her eyes.
“Yeah, she’s great at it,” Jordan said.
“We don’t have any other foodies in the family. Sophie would love her!” Then Nessa paused. “Oh! I don’t mean to put her to work. No, she’d absolutely be a guest. Just, for Sophie to have someone to talk food stuff with who knows better. Please. Let me meet her, I’ll beg.”
“Ha, I don’t think you’ll have to beg,” Jordan said. “But sure, I’ll see what she thinks of the idea.”
So they settled talk of Thanksgiving for now. They dug into those burgers and potato salad and homemade cookies. They ate and laughed and carried on as the evening turned to twilight.
Jordan was perplexed at how he ended up here, part of all this, especially since he’d spent the better part of his twenties alienating himself and pushing people away. Now his family was part of all this, too, before they even got here. These people hadn’t met Maria yet, but already they loved her. They hadn’t met his boys yet, but already they were expected to share a bunk room with the other children in Japan next winter.
These people were warm and welcoming. No one was left uninvited. No one was left behind. No one was allowed to give up. These people were wild and brave and unstoppable, and Jordan hadn’t met so many people like this in his whole life. They understood each other. They didn’t question each other’s priorities or ambitions. Nobody thought of him as frivolous or irresponsible for wanting to do this.
“She cooks?” Nessa sprung up from the table with wonder in her eyes.
“Yeah, she’s great at it,” Jordan said.
“We don’t have any other foodies in the family. Sophie would love her!” Then Nessa paused. “Oh! I don’t mean to put her to work. No, she’d absolutely be a guest. Just, for Sophie to have someone to talk food stuff with who knows better. Please. Let me meet her, I’ll beg.”
“Ha, I don’t think you’ll have to beg,” Jordan said. “But sure, I’ll see what she thinks of the idea.”
So they settled talk of Thanksgiving for now. They dug into those burgers and potato salad and homemade cookies. They ate and laughed and carried on as the evening turned to twilight.
Jordan was perplexed at how he ended up here, part of all this, especially since he’d spent the better part of his twenties alienating himself and pushing people away. Now his family was part of all this, too, before they even got here. These people hadn’t met Maria yet, but already they loved her. They hadn’t met his boys yet, but already they were expected to share a bunk room with the other children in Japan next winter.
These people were warm and welcoming. No one was left uninvited. No one was left behind. No one was allowed to give up. These people were wild and brave and unstoppable, and Jordan hadn’t met so many people like this in his whole life. They understood each other. They didn’t question each other’s priorities or ambitions. Nobody thought of him as frivolous or irresponsible for wanting to do this.
You want to climb mountains? Well, of course you do! Let’s go do it!
Jordan wasn’t looking to find his tribe here, but they scooped him up, folded him into their world, and adopted him anyway.
It was everything. Almost.
—
The boys kept up with their homework, so their mom let them keep their phones. Jordan called them every day after school. When he couldn’t stay up late enough to catch Maria in the evenings, he called her first thing in the morning instead. He silenced his phone during his work and his climbing, so Colette couldn’t reach him every second she wanted to nag about something. She could scream into the void for all he cared.
He worked wherever he could fit the gigs in. People needed decks repaired, drains snaked, furniture moved, drywall patched. He could do a little of everything. When he got paid, the first thing he did was stop at the post office mail little gifts to the kids. Before all of this, he had told them all it was a vacation, that he would be back soon. And it was true that he would see them soon, but it was increasingly untrue that this was a vacation. It may have started as one, but as the days rolled on, as this adventure took root, grew, flourished, and thrived, it became clear to him that he didn’t belong in Wisconsin. This vacation wasn’t a gap year, it wasn’t a fluke, it wasn’t a mistake—it was the seeds of a new life.
This time it was a life he carved for himself, and every part of it was chosen intentionally. Work that sustained him, play that fulfilled him, small moments of bliss, laughter with new friends.
It was everything. It could be everything, but there were some vital pieces missing here.
So he was here, but his loved ones were there, and he was torn in two trying to fathom how he could ever choose one over the other. Stay or go back, live free or return to a tidy box in the suburbs and be the proper man they all deserved. How could he make that choice? It was impossible. What was the answer?
Maria deserved more than a part-time boyfriend. His kids deserved a full-time dad. And he deserved what exactly? Was anyone owed happiness, contentment, fulfillment, or love? Maybe what you got out of life was just the luck of the draw. Choose what you could, because wouldn’t it be selfish to try to have it all?
For now, he was still trying to master this thing. He put aside his envy and disappointment, and he actually watched, actually listened. He read the books Jack lent him, and he learned enough to discuss the methods and theory. He learned the stretches, and he remembered to chalk his hands and wear his sunscreen. He found muscles in his forearms and obliques that he didn’t know he had. He felt enough progress now to know that even if this was hard, it wouldn’t be hopeless forever. When he slipped, he caught himself. When he fell, he landed on his feet.
You weren’t supposed to fall in love with this. It would all be so much easier if you didn’t.
If he didn’t love these people, the lifestyle, the rocks, the heat, the dry dusty air, and the sun nestling itself between rocky peaks every night, if he didn’t love how it set his spirit on fire, then he could just go back to Wisconsin and be done with it. There were a whole lot of people back there who would be glad to see this not work out.
But as it turned out, he did love it. And he wasn’t bad at it either, he just needed time.
“Nice!” Maya said, more often these days. “You know, I think you might be ready to take it up a notch. I think you might be ready to take a shot at that medium wall.”
After hoping for to hear those words for weeks, the idea now felt daunting. “Wow, really? I don’t know.”
“You could, start with the bottom,” she said. “Then work your way up. Same height, but new routes and new challenges.”
“Um, yes. Soon. Not today though.”
Maya laughed. “Sure, whenever you feel up to it.”
He didn’t want to break his back the day before Maria got here. He had plans for the next couple of days that involved being very limber and able-bodied.
—
You weren’t supposed to fall in love.
Jordan felt foolish to admit that he’d never loved a woman before Maria. His previous relationship was not the loving type. He wasn’t prepared for how this was supposed to feel, so pure and healthy, how every joy felt like ache because she wasn’t here to share it with him, and how every sorrow he longed for her comfort because he knew it would be so replenishing. How could he have known that’s what love could be?
He always knew the separation would start to wear on her, and he was so sorry to be the cause of all her strife. Could a short twenty-four hours really make up for all that trouble? Would it be enough?
The camper was clean and as fixed as he could make it. He tried to fix that electrical panel, but it was hit or miss. The sheets were taken to the laundromat, the bathroom scrubbed, and he stocked the small refrigerator with some basic groceries. He would make her breakfast. Her cooking was better than his, but he wasn’t totally hopeless in the kitchen. He could make a few things.
It was so hard to believe she was really going to be here, finally. It was too long. He felt nervous, and he also felt silly for feeling nervous.
She thought that was adorable. “What are you nervous for? Am I supposed to be nervous?”
“You don’t have to be,” he said. “Probably better if you’re not nervous, too.”
“I’m excited,” she said. “And I’m scared.”
“Oh, why are you scared?”
“Maybe for the same reason you’re nervous?”
Maybe if they didn’t say it out loud, it wouldn’t have to be true. That there was a hefty chance this visit would make or break them. It was a whole lot of pressure on twenty-four little hours.
The park had thinned out of its adventurers. The sun had set and gone, the twilight fading to a deep blue sky, vacant of clouds, only the first speckle of stars beginning to pop, one by one, like someone flipped on their switches. With what last light his old cell phone could find, he took a picture and sent it to her. It couldn’t capture the brilliance just like how his words fell short of describing the enormity in his chest. “It looks better in person. Can’t wait to show you this.”
“How will I get up there?”
“I’m gonna carry you up the wall under one arm like I’m King Kong,” he said.
“What!?” she squealed happily.
“Just kidding, there’s stairs, too.”
She hated to let him go, but she had to get back to her packing. She had a train to catch in the morning.
“What kind of clothes should I bring?”
“Um, something to wear out to dinner? A bathing suit, maybe? Or don’t bring any clothes, I’m just gonna take them off you anyway.”
“Is that a promise, mister?”
“Cross my heart.”
“See you tomorrow, my love.”
“I’ll be counting the minutes,” he said.
—
gameplay and notes: new friends // Maya loves her life
Tomorrow for them is gonna be a little bit for us, of course, because I still need to take all the pictures! But I'll try not to leave it too long.
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