Drown #9: the best laid plans, part 4

December 2085. Justin Kim is 25, Stephanie Nova is 26, Alice Nova is 64, Jeremiah Day is 28.  


In Stephanie's dream, she and Jeremiah stood in a mountain lodge in Three Lakes and he was trying to put a gift shop ring on her finger. It was neon green and made of plastic. Justin was about to fall off of the mountain, but he wasn't falling yet. He was suspended by nothing, just toppled back at forty-five degrees, his arms flailing. She was scared for him.

I need to help him, he's gonna die.  
You can't. We're getting married now. 
I don't want to. 
But you do want to, you said so. I heard you say it and you can't take it back.

The green plastic ring had jagged edges and hurt her finger. Once it was on, it melted into her skin and became part of her flesh. Inextricable.

Would you be scared if I fell off that mountain?
Yes. 
Don't lie to me, babe. 
I'm not lying. 
I want to see how scared you are. Show me your face.

But she was still watching Justin, afraid that if she glanced away for even a second the magic would break and he would start to fall.

I don't believe you. You're a liar. You weren't supposed to be a liar. You were the good one. 


Then she felt Justin's arm reach for her over the blankets, pulling her closer. "Steph, you’re okay. You're still here. You’re just having a bad dream."


When she finally woke—which was not to say she ever fully slept—there were cartoons on in the living room. Justin had gone and Willow was there instead, bouncing the bed each time she kicked her feet. Stephanie tried to open her eyes and felt utterly nauseous from all of the trauma.


She needed the toilet. Now.


She threw up for what felt like five minutes straight.

She hadn't even closed the door properly and Justin peeked inside. "Steph, you okay?"

"Don't let the girls see me," she said. The violent vomit being expelled from her throat would have scarred them for life. She wretched over the toilet for another five minutes, but nothing else came out. So she rinsed her mouth as best she could—her toothbrush wasn't here, and there wasn't any toothpaste in the downstairs bathroom.

"Don't kiss me," she said when she reemerged from that bathroom of horrors. She saw that Justin had already poured four bowls of cereal for breakfast, the idea of milk made her stomach churn. That was when she realized what else wasn't here.

Breakfast. Vitamins. Her birth control pills. They were left at home in the kitchen next to Willow’s gummy bear multivitamins. Jeremiah was there and she really didn't want to go back.


"What’s wrong?" Justin asked.

"I don’t have my birth control pills."

"Oh."

"I’m supposed to take them at the same time every day. What time is it?"

"I don't know. Ten?"

"How is it ten? How did I sleep until ten?"

"You looked so tired," he said. "I didn't want to wake you up. I didn't think it would matter. Would that really matter, a couple of hours? Is that why you were just ... you know, in the bathroom? Because I'm pretty sure it can't happen that fast."

Stephanie took a deep breath and exhaled. "No, that can't be it. I'm just stressed out."

"It’s okay," he said. "We'll get them later. It'll be fine."

Willow watched them both with a puzzling curiosity on her face. "Momma, what’s birth control?"

"Vitamins, girlie," Stephanie said.

"I has vitamins, too," Lily said. "The dinosaur ones!"


"Don't even look at me like that," Stephanie said. "Now is a bad time. If you got me..." she tried to think of a PG term for it. "... in trouble, just think about how mad he'd be. Think about what he'd do to us. And if you thought he was mad already, then you haven't seen anything yet."

Justin shrugged and stopped looking at her like he could impregnate her with a glance. "We'll be careful then," Justin said. "I happen to know a few things you like that definitely can’t get you in trouble."

Stephanie blushed. "Stop it, the girls are listening." He hadn't said anything that the girls could figure out, but still, Stephanie giggled, filling her mind with more pleasant thoughts, things that were not suitable for breakfast or three-year-olds or even polite society at all.

"Why are you in trouble, Momma?"

"I’m not in trouble."

"Yet," Justin said.

"Stop it."

"Your momma told me that she wanted to be in trouble two more times."

Willow laughed. "Ha ha, Momma. Get in time out!"


Stephanie felt slightly less nauseous after a few nibbles of dry cereal. Her eyes had adjusted to the light and the whole world felt brighter. "Maybe soon," she said. "But right now we have enough trouble as it is."


Stephanie's phone rang. It was her mother. "Oh my God, Stephanie, where are you?"

Another thing Stephanie had forgotten—it was so late and she had been so flustered that she'd forgotten to call her mother and tell her that they'd left.

"We're okay, we're at Justin's parents' house," she said.

"What on earth happened last night?"

"Well, nothing happened—I mean, not nothing, but ... it's complicated, I'll explain later."

Alice's voice drifted away from her end of the telephone. "Jeremiah, did something happen last night?"

"Mom, why are you asking him?"

Stephanie could hear Jeremiah’s voice in the background. "Nothing at all," he said. "She freaked out, she called Justin to come pick her up. I don’t even know what she was so upset about."

"Mom, I didn’t freak out," Stephanie said. "It wasn't nothing. That's not what I meant. Is Dad there with you?"

"Yes, he's around here, somewhere. We're both here like we said we'd be. Perhaps you’d like to join us and we can sort this whole thing out?"

—

When they arrived, Jeremiah looked calm, sitting with Stephanie's mother in the living room and making polite conversation. Willow peeked into the room from between them, seeming both curious and unsure of her father. Justin wouldn't bring Lily along to this little family gathering, even though Willow had wanted her to come. "If I had it my way, Willow wouldn't be here, either," Justin had said. "But I don't figure that I have any say in that."

Even if Stephanie managed to divorce Jeremiah, he would be Willow's father for the rest of their lives. She was tied to him inextricably.

Willow reached up and tugged on Justin's hand. "Can I go hug Gramma?"

"Of course, you can," he said. "We'll be right over."



Jeremiah gloated at them as they sat. "Stephanie has a vivid imagination," he told everyone. "Humor us, Stephanie. What did you think was going to happen last night?"

He knew she wouldn't tell everyone what she thought would have happened last night. He was just trying to make her look foolish.

"I'm sorry if you were bothered by something," Jeremiah said. "I didn't intend that. I feel like we didn't really get a chance to talk."

Stephanie's eyebrows pinched together. He had not wanted to talk last night, he even said so.

"She doesn't want to talk now," Justin said.

"Can she speak for herself?"

"Say what you want to say," Stephanie said.

"Here? Like this? That's not how a husband and wife have a conversation, Stephanie. With five people in the room, including your lover."

"Then we won’t talk," she said.

"Will you sit in the kitchen with me?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I want everyone to hear what you say to me."

There was half a blip of something on Jeremiah's face. Irritation, maybe. He didn't like it when she defied him. He sighed slowly. "Okay, if this is the way you want it. You start."


She didn't know where to start. Surely there must be something she should say to this man whom she promised a lifetime to and then shamelessly cheated on him and took it all back? She knew that he expected an apology, but she didn’t feel sorry. She thought she was in love with him once, but that wasn’t real love. It was a bunch of other things, but not love.

Okay. She sighed. "I’m sorry to disappoint you," she said. "It wasn't what I thought it was going to be. I hope we can work together to put Willow’s best interests first."

"Willow’s best interests are for her parents to stay together," he said.

He looked so vindicated. The way he sat there, the way his eyes scrutinized her, made the situation become something different. It was like he could reach inside her head and twist what she believed into something else. Don’t forget that you’re the one who cheated. Don’t forget that you’re the one in the wrong here. And then she felt like he was right.

She wondered what it was he wanted to talk about. Whatever it was hadn't been nice enough to say in front of an audience, so she probably didn’t need to hear it.

"You know how these young marriages can go. It's nobody's fault, really," Alice said, offering a friendly smile. Stephanie wished that her mother wouldn't bother. Jeremiah would see straight through it. She underestimated him. But Alice went on. "We’ll gladly help you get on your feet. A week will suffice, won’t it? Of course you’d be welcome to join us for Christmas, but perhaps this year will be a little too soon. But I'll leave that up to you two. Surely you have some friends, some family, some war buddies nearby? Where is your family, anyway? I don’t think you ever mentioned them."

"I’ll work something out," Jeremiah said. "I guess I’d better start making some arrangements. You wouldn’t mind if I borrowed the car, would you, Stephanie? Being in space for three long years, I don't have one of my own."

Stephanie froze. "But ... you have the keys!"

"Well, I don’t have them, exactly," Jeremiah said. "Not like, in my physical possession. You left them on the kitchen table last night."


Everyone could see straight into the kitchen from where they sat, and on the table there was a set of car keys glistening in the afternoon sunshine.


Stephanie's entire body tensed and her voice went high and tight. "They were not on the kitchen table last night." She glanced back and forth between Justin and her mother. "They weren't there. You have to believe me. I'm not being paranoid. I'm not overreacting. They weren't there!"

"But they were," Jeremiah said. "Maybe you just didn’t see them."

"No, they weren't!"

Stephanie's yelling voice wavered between fury and tears, but Jeremiah remained stone cold and solid.

"Okay, honey," Alice said. "In any case, you don't need the car today, do you? Justin, you'll be around for the day? She doesn't need the car?"

"Sure," Justin said, looking Jeremiah in the eyes. "I'll be around all day. I'll be around every day."

"It's all settled then. Go ahead with the car, Jeremiah. I'm sure you have some things to take care of."


Jeremiah got up to say goodbye to Willow.

"I’ll see you again very soon," he said. "In February, how would you like to come with me to see the ocean? The Fort Palmetto base has a really big playground, the biggest you’ve ever seen. And I’ll take you into the gallery to see all of the alien specimens we’ve found. You’ll get to see the rocket ships take off every day."

"Wow," Willow said. "Can Momma and Justin and Lily come, too?"

"Well, we'll see about that. I sure would like your momma to come."

"She’s not going to South Carolina with you," Stephanie said.

"Of course she will, Stephanie. You do intend to share custody, don’t you? I mean, if you insist on divorcing me, the least you can do is allow me to build a relationship with my daughter. After having fought to save the world for three long years, any family court would agree with me. Of course, having her mother there with us would be ideal."

Jeremiah walked with a swagger into the kitchen and picked up the car keys from the kitchen table. He jingled them at Stephanie and shrugged coyly before he left.


"Oh my goodness," Alice sighed. "Aren't we all just a bundle of nerves today? But he seems to be taking the news much better than expected, don't you think? Now, was there something you wanted to tell me about why you left last night?"

Stephanie made a face at her mother, grumbled, and stormed off into the kitchen. She paced around the kitchen table where the borrowed keys had been sitting. She paced back and forth between the kitchen and the living room.


Alice said, "Sweetheart, it doesn't matter anymore. It's done now. That's terrific, isn't it? That's what you wanted."

"It's not done," Stephanie said. "He wants you to think it's done, but he's not done.

"I believe you," Justin said.

"Okay. Well, however it is, he’ll be out of your hair for a little while. You know what, you don't even need to see him at all anymore. If he wants to see Willow, you can leave her with us and he can see her here."

"He’s going to try to take Willow. I didn’t even think about that."


"He's not taking Willow," Justin said. "We’re going to find you a lawyer. Keri’s family has a really good lawyer."

"I really doubt that Keri will refer me to her lawyer."

"If I ask her to, she will. She’ll bitch about it, but she will."

But how would Stephanie ever pay for a lawyer, especially Keri’s expensive lawyer?

She tried to think of what she needed from here, but she couldn’t think of anything. There were a million things on her mind, but all she wanted to take from this house was her little girl. She wanted to take Willow and run far far away. She didn’t care about anything else.


"I know what you need," he said. "Let’s forget about making breakfast. Let’s go out. Let’s go pick up Lily and take the girls to a movie. Then Monday morning, we’ll contact the lawyer. But for now, it's the weekend and there’s nothing else to do, so let’s just go have some fun. Cheddar popcorn, fruit punch, and that lost dog movie—you know, the remake of that one we saw when we were kids?"

"Okay," she said.

"It's all gonna be okay, Steph."

"Okay."


The rest of the day was okay. She didn't even hear from Jeremiah again. They had cheddar popcorn and fruit punch slushies. The remake wasn't as good as the movie she remembered as a kid, but the girls enjoyed it.

The whole day Stephanie felt like she'd been forgetting something really important. She couldn't think of what it was because her mind was so full of worry.

"Don't worry about it," Justin told her. "Just go upstairs and have a nice warm bubble bath. We have everything we need."


Except for one thing, she finally remembered.


The birth control pills that she'd left behind. Again.

—