* warnings: domestic/psychological abuse
soundtrack: "Terrible Love" by The National
previously: when Luisa was conceived
last night…
Can anyone really know at the start of a new relationship whether it will turn ugly and toxic four years down the line? Andreas would probably never know for certain how long this relationship had been rotten to its core, but he would always remember the point at which he couldn’t deny the truth anymore. That point was a simple line drawn, and the line was a condom.
“But I’m on the pill again,” Gwen whined. “I have been for six weeks. We’re safe.”
“I think your body rejects pills,” Andreas said. “Somehow.”
“Somehow? What’s that supposed to mean?”
What it meant was that he still thought about how Luisa was conceived. He loved his daughter. Now he did. But she had smashed into his life like being sideswiped by a truck. Gwen was on the pill then, too. Or so she claimed. It all left a fishy feeling in his gut. He didn’t trust Gwen.
But there was no need to worry about the condoms for now. Gwen was in a rage, and Andreas was so turned off he didn’t even want it, anyway.
—
six weeks ago…
These days, they fought more often than not. Gwen was ravenous for sex since she stopped breastfeeding Luisa, but Andreas didn’t want to touch her most of the time. But both of them had the scant desire to see this troubled thing work out for poor Luisa’s sake. Eventually, she caved and agreed to the condoms. And so they tried to salvage something out of this mess.
But she hated it. It made her prickly. She wasn’t getting anything she wanted—no ring, no proposal, not even dick. She resented him, and he resented her back.
The fun sex was hardly ever fun anymore. He slept on a fold-out cot in the living room most nights.
two weeks ago…
“What the hell, Gwen? How?”
She just shrugged, looked him in the eye, and said, “What are you doing to do?”
These days, they fought more often than not. Gwen was ravenous for sex since she stopped breastfeeding Luisa, but Andreas didn’t want to touch her most of the time. But both of them had the scant desire to see this troubled thing work out for poor Luisa’s sake. Eventually, she caved and agreed to the condoms. And so they tried to salvage something out of this mess.
But she hated it. It made her prickly. She wasn’t getting anything she wanted—no ring, no proposal, not even dick. She resented him, and he resented her back.
The fun sex was hardly ever fun anymore. He slept on a fold-out cot in the living room most nights.
—
two weeks ago…
The first time Gwen showed Andreas a positive pregnancy test, the pregnancy that would become their Luisa, he only felt bewildered. He hadn’t asked too many questions. “How?” Of course. She told him she was on birth control.
“Oops. Can’t fool your clever swimmers,” she joked.
This time, after everything, she didn’t have any jokes. She didn’t even have any excuses. Not that he would have believed a damn word she said. Could these tests be faked? Could she have bought someone’s pee on the internet? He wouldn’t put anything past Gwen.
“Take another one,” he demanded. “I’m going to watch you pee on it. I’m going to watch it change.”
“I don’t have to go again yet.”
“Go drink some water. I’ll wait.”
He hated himself like this. He was ugly and festering inside. He wasn’t like this before Gwen. They had grown so cold to each other by now. Any affection they ever had turned bitter and venomous.
She drank some water, and they waited. She peed on the test. They watched it turn.
The test was positive.
“What the hell, Gwen? How?”
She just shrugged, looked him in the eye, and said, “What are you doing to do?”
It wasn’t a fearful question. She didn’t even sound scared. She sounded vindictive.
“Paternity test,” he said.
“You have to wait nine months for that. But it’s yours, I promise you that.”
He didn’t want another baby with Gwen. He didn’t want to marry her. He didn’t even want to look at her.
She reached for him, hands sliding down his arms, circling his wrists. He shivered.
“Paternity test,” he said.
“You have to wait nine months for that. But it’s yours, I promise you that.”
He didn’t want another baby with Gwen. He didn’t want to marry her. He didn’t even want to look at her.
She reached for him, hands sliding down his arms, circling his wrists. He shivered.
She tilted her head, smiled slyly. “Oh, come on. What’s the harm? It’s not like we wouldn’t have another eventually. You don’t want Luisa to be an only child. Unless... you’re leaving me? You’re not leaving, are you? I’m the mother of your beautiful children. We are delicious together.”
A bitter laugh burst out of him. “Ha, delicious?”
But maybe she wasn’t wrong. Sometimes poison is delicious.
—
one week ago…
Andreas thought of all the choices in his life and how he ended up here. Not here, as in Sierra Nova, but here, digging in the bathroom trash. He met Gwen in Florida, she asked him to move to Wisconsin and he went. Then a move to California, and he went. After that, he had made a firm decision to stop letting Gwen make decisions in his life, but it seemed she took over, anyway.
It was in his nature to give people the benefit of the doubt, trust, second chances. Even when it turns out that he shouldn’t have.
But how? He didn’t stop wondering, and he never fell into any hopeful, expectant phase like he did with Luisa’s pregnancy. This time, he had been meticulous about the condoms. He knew he had, because she never failed to let him know how much she hated it.
On birth control? Safe? He doubted she took her birth control pills at all. She probably flushed them down the toilet.
He dug a used condom out of the trash to inspect for pinholes. She was driving him to madness.
He did whatever research he could do from their shared computer, and he was tech savvy enough to know how to leave no trace. It felt hopeless. Leaving Gwen would mean leaving Luisa. At least to start, and for who knows how long. The courts favored mothers when the kids were this young.
Then, in a fit of desperation, or maybe wisdom and clarity, he stopped by the forensics lab on his day off, and he had a colleague run a strand of Luisa’s hair through a paternity test. He felt awful about it. No matter what the result, he never intended to ditch his daughter. But he needed to know, because he couldn’t trust Gwen to tell him the truth about anything.
Luisa was his.
At least there was this one good, pure thing in his life. His baby. His princess. For now. Until, inevitably, Gwen would leave her imprint on this innocent child.
He took Luisa out for ice cream, feeling relieved about the results, and also guilty at the lengths he had to go to know the truth.
And this next baby? There was no way to know until the baby was born.
Andreas was a cop. He wasn’t so oblivious that he didn’t know evil existed in the world. Cruelty, manipulation, deceit. But how could that be Gwen? Gwen was sexy and exciting, she was fierce and determined. She was also impulsive and pushy and persuasive and sometimes clingy. And if she had flaws, well, don’t we all? Andreas was devoted and patient and he thought he could fix her, bring out her best qualities. Maybe that made him naïve, after all.
He did whatever research he could do from their shared computer, and he was tech savvy enough to know how to leave no trace. It felt hopeless. Leaving Gwen would mean leaving Luisa. At least to start, and for who knows how long. The courts favored mothers when the kids were this young.
Then, in a fit of desperation, or maybe wisdom and clarity, he stopped by the forensics lab on his day off, and he had a colleague run a strand of Luisa’s hair through a paternity test. He felt awful about it. No matter what the result, he never intended to ditch his daughter. But he needed to know, because he couldn’t trust Gwen to tell him the truth about anything.
Luisa was his.
At least there was this one good, pure thing in his life. His baby. His princess. For now. Until, inevitably, Gwen would leave her imprint on this innocent child.
He took Luisa out for ice cream, feeling relieved about the results, and also guilty at the lengths he had to go to know the truth.
And this next baby? There was no way to know until the baby was born.
Andreas was a cop. He wasn’t so oblivious that he didn’t know evil existed in the world. Cruelty, manipulation, deceit. But how could that be Gwen? Gwen was sexy and exciting, she was fierce and determined. She was also impulsive and pushy and persuasive and sometimes clingy. And if she had flaws, well, don’t we all? Andreas was devoted and patient and he thought he could fix her, bring out her best qualities. Maybe that made him naïve, after all.
If a liar promises not to lie anymore, can you even believe them?
It wasn’t worth it, he wanted to tell himself two years ago. Yes, Gwen is fierce and determined. Yes, she is pushy and persuasive. It means that she gets what she wants at the expense of absolutely everyone in her life. And this time, the expense was him.
He didn’t used to know these things about her. Now he knows them.
He and Luisa spent Valentine’s Day on their own. That was fine. More fun, probably. Gwen was still mad that he wasn’t excited about this new little surprise. So Gwen went out to cover some big story for the newspaper.
Was she up to it, being pregnant and all?
He didn’t know, but he couldn’t have stopped her if it was something she wanted to do.
—
today, the morning after Valentine’s Day...
The morning after Valentine’s Day, Gwen joined him at the breakfast table and slid her tablet in front of him. She loaded a newspaper article that she’d written. Something gossipy and cheap. The big story on the presses was Gwen’s pictures from the romantic Valentine’s gala at that swanky new restaurant in San Catalina. Top news of the morning was Representative Grant’s new fling. Small gossip, if you asked Andreas. Gwen didn’t always write such trash. She usually went for the hottest breaking stories and took her work seriously.
“What is this? Why do I care who he’s dating?”
“I thought you might recognize her.”
Gwen zoomed in on the photo. Andreas looked at the faces. Oh.
“She’s a detective from Lake County,” Gwen said. “Where you used to work. You must remember her. Wasn’t she your old supervisor? Huh, he could do better, if you ask me. She’s kind of mousy. She looks like she’d be boring in bed.”
Gwen zoomed in on the photo closer again, focusing on the kiss, mouths and skin and lips, Laney being devoured by Wesley Grant at their cozy table for two. It was very intimate. Andreas didn’t want to know how Gwen was able to obtain such invasive photos. He felt dirty for seeing their private moment plastered in pixels and published for the whole world to see.
It surprised him at first. Laney didn’t look mousy; she looked beautiful. She didn’t look boring; she looked enchanted. Why shouldn’t she be? She deserved to be happy. She deserved to be kissed like that on Valentine’s Day. He told her once that she should think more highly of herself. Looks like she did, finally. He was happy for her, and he hoped Wesley treated her well.
Gwen obviously wanted some reaction from him. She must have dug out this entire story to publish and slide under his nose, and he didn’t feel like playing this ugly game anymore. She wanted him to hurt, and he felt sick that the surprise on his face might have given her the satisfaction she wanted.
But then he wondered if he had it all wrong. Gwen’s eyes softened, like she really thought she was doing him the most gentle favor. “She looks happy, don’t you think? Isn’t it nice she found someone?”
Andreas wasn’t sure what Gwen thought she knew about his feelings for Laney. Whatever lingering crush or longing or fondness it had been, it was now buried under two years of time and distance and Gwen’s poison. It was another lifetime ago.
The morning after Valentine’s Day, Gwen joined him at the breakfast table and slid her tablet in front of him. She loaded a newspaper article that she’d written. Something gossipy and cheap. The big story on the presses was Gwen’s pictures from the romantic Valentine’s gala at that swanky new restaurant in San Catalina. Top news of the morning was Representative Grant’s new fling. Small gossip, if you asked Andreas. Gwen didn’t always write such trash. She usually went for the hottest breaking stories and took her work seriously.
“What is this? Why do I care who he’s dating?”
“I thought you might recognize her.”
Gwen zoomed in on the photo. Andreas looked at the faces. Oh.
“She’s a detective from Lake County,” Gwen said. “Where you used to work. You must remember her. Wasn’t she your old supervisor? Huh, he could do better, if you ask me. She’s kind of mousy. She looks like she’d be boring in bed.”
Gwen zoomed in on the photo closer again, focusing on the kiss, mouths and skin and lips, Laney being devoured by Wesley Grant at their cozy table for two. It was very intimate. Andreas didn’t want to know how Gwen was able to obtain such invasive photos. He felt dirty for seeing their private moment plastered in pixels and published for the whole world to see.
It surprised him at first. Laney didn’t look mousy; she looked beautiful. She didn’t look boring; she looked enchanted. Why shouldn’t she be? She deserved to be happy. She deserved to be kissed like that on Valentine’s Day. He told her once that she should think more highly of herself. Looks like she did, finally. He was happy for her, and he hoped Wesley treated her well.
Gwen obviously wanted some reaction from him. She must have dug out this entire story to publish and slide under his nose, and he didn’t feel like playing this ugly game anymore. She wanted him to hurt, and he felt sick that the surprise on his face might have given her the satisfaction she wanted.
But then he wondered if he had it all wrong. Gwen’s eyes softened, like she really thought she was doing him the most gentle favor. “She looks happy, don’t you think? Isn’t it nice she found someone?”
Andreas wasn’t sure what Gwen thought she knew about his feelings for Laney. Whatever lingering crush or longing or fondness it had been, it was now buried under two years of time and distance and Gwen’s poison. It was another lifetime ago.
He shook his head. “Do you think you’re doing me a favor?”
“The damage is done,” she said. “Don’t fight it, my love.”
Love? No, it was closer to hate, if you asked him.
But he saw it—the desperate, furious, terrible way she tried to love him. She loved him with claws and teeth, with lies and tricks. Oh, she was devoted. And, oh, she meant it in her way. But whatever this was, be it promise or duty or prison, he wouldn’t call it love.
“The damage is done,” she said. “Don’t fight it, my love.”
Love? No, it was closer to hate, if you asked him.
But he saw it—the desperate, furious, terrible way she tried to love him. She loved him with claws and teeth, with lies and tricks. Oh, she was devoted. And, oh, she meant it in her way. But whatever this was, be it promise or duty or prison, he wouldn’t call it love.
—
gameplay notes: a terrible, awful, toxic mess
OH no. What a terrible relationship. I want to see poor Andreas escape this trap.
ReplyDeleteAndreas wants that, too. But with children involved, it becomes much more complicated. He can’t legally just walk out the door with Luisa. And he doesn’t trust Gwen to play fair in custody court. He’s got a lot to think about.
DeleteGlad to have you reading! :)
I have been quietly reading everything. Thought I would start commenting when lm finally caught up which I am Now. Took me a while. I really like your sims and the whole roll system you have. Im too lazy for such meticulous planning. 😁
DeleteWow, this was very, very good! Maybe one of my favourite entries ever from Sierra Nova! Such a toxic relationship - I can see why Andreas feels stuck between a rock and a hard place with Gwen. :\
ReplyDeleteAh, the dark and twisty ones are so fun to think about, aren’t they? Poor sims who have to endure it, though, lol!
DeleteThank you! I’m so happy you enjoyed it! And thanks for reading! 😊