Sometimes, when she visits, she comes over too early in the morning. Keri is an early riser, the early routine of the military has burrowed into her bones. Justin is about to head out the door to work and he hugs his daughter—used to be their daughter—goodbye.
He says, "I made pancakes for breakfast. There's some left on the counter, help yourself."
So she helps herself.
There was a memo in her email this morning from Cabe addressing all current and future members of the Cassiopeia Project team.
Great news! Fertility banking reimbursement has been approved by the finance board for the interstellar crew. All banking and IVF treatments will be reimbursed 100%, and this is encouraged for all men and women of child-bearing age. As was noted in your documentation, scientific studies suggest that five years of interstellar radiation could severely deplete your eggs and sperm. What a great workplace perk! Of course, you have plenty of time left to decide and undergo the process, but it's something to think about.What a strange decision to have to make.
Keri will be thirty-six when she returns. She could still carry a baby. Wouldn't her mother love that? She might still get a Popsicle grandchild after all. But who would be the father? Not Justin. It would be someone else's baby. A whole different family. Not this one.
His home is so cozy, so filled with light and music and the scent of vanilla and fruit. His home only smells like vanilla and fruit because of Stephanie. He only makes pancakes in the morning before work because of Stephanie. But Stephanie is off in another room and Willow is off in another room, too, and for a moment, it's just the three of them again like they once thought it was supposed to be.
The universe leaves trace echoes of all the other lives we didn't choose.
Keri doesn't like to be on vacation. It gives her too much time to think.
—
Awww poor Keri. I actually get that while she has made the right decision, she's going to regret all the lives that she doesn't have.
ReplyDeleteRegret is probably inevitable, especially since she doesn't know whether she'll ever have something else like this in her future or not. Unlike Justin who got pretty much everything he ever wanted right away. Keri is generally content with her awesome job and the promise of all the extraordinary things she'll get to do, but there are just moments like these where she thinks, "What if...?"
DeleteThanks for reading! :)
I can so relate to having too much time to think. I always say that's a dangerous proposition for someone like me. ;)
ReplyDeleteWhat a time to get a memo like that too - just as Keri's signed over parental rights and is adjusting to this new normal. It might be prudent for her to freeze some eggs, just in case she does decide she wants to give her parents a little popsicle grandchild in the future. It's hard though. As women, we have to make these decisions about whether or not we're going to have children (or have more children) and then biology takes care of it for you, possibly just as you're changing your mind. It's almost cruel.
The timing is indeed sticky for Keri. Her grieving/adjusting process has been like a yo-yo. :/
DeleteRight, isn't it especially shitty that a woman's prime window of fertility is also just about the same time most women might like to establish their careers and lives? When men can keep having children much later. But I have learned, at least in this situation, that the men will be equally as affected by the cosmic radiation as the women. So at least fertility issues are fair in space, lol!