* sensitive content advisory for Drown #13, parts 1-7
"Do you want us to show you how?"
"Not now, kiddo, maybe later," Keri said.
Keri learned that it was easier to spend time with both of the girls than to explain why she might only try to see just one of them. There were no hurt feelings this way. They didn't understand how they weren't just ordinary sisters. All they knew was that they had two amazing parents, and five grandparents who adored them, and one weird aunt Keri who lived out in space half the time and who adored them as well. And if that wasn't a normal family, then they didn't know what was.
Surprisingly, getting to know two children instead of one was not a chore. Keri was charmed by Lily and amused by Willow, who somehow had more spit and fire in her than the child Keri gave birth to. If you looked at Stephanie, you would wonder where it even came from. Then Keri remembered Jeremiah.
To be honest, Keri never got to know Jeremiah very well back then. Now Jeremiah was a subject that they tip-toed around, a problem that they hoped might soon go away. And if he didn't go away, then they would cross that bridge when it came. If Willow ever thought about Jeremiah, she didn't say so. Willow talked about going to kindergarten next month, and being the biggest sister, and how Justin built her a shed behind the house for her frogs to live in, and do you want to see them?
"The light keeps them warm," Willow said. "And it also makes the bugs come, so the froggies can eat them. They eat with their tongues. But sometimes we have to feed them extra bugs."
"Eeew!" Lily whined.
Willow had a cottage with a big yard and eight frogs and a sister and soon a baby brother and two parents and five grandparents and lots of cousins and one weird aunt Keri, and that was Willow’s extraordinary life.
"I wish I could go on that slip and slide so bad," Stephanie said.
There was a childlike wonder on Stephanie's face and it reminded Keri of when they were fourteen, when her mom would take them to get treats after a soccer game, when there was nothing in the world more joyful than a cupcake and nothing more worrisome than a pop quiz in geometry. Those were the days.
Stephanie inhaled her cupcake in about two and a half bites.
"Oh, sorry, did you want one? There’s more in the fridge."
"No, thanks," Keri said.
Stephanie’s belly was the size of a small planet now. Keri only vaguely remembered being that pregnant. What she did remember was that she was not as hospitable or friendly or even human. Stephanie was a different kind of woman. She was a meek and giving woman, that's why she wasn't better at soccer in high school, she didn't have an aggressive bone in her body. An opponent might trip on the field and she'd apologize. She never stood up for herself in sports, how could she do it in life?
They always say, you don’t know what it’s like being in an abusive relationship until you’re in one. You can’t say “I would never…” because you never know, but Keri could quite confidently know that she would never. She’d never had a hard time leaving anything that wasn’t working out for her. But she couldn’t comprehend what that must be like.
"You know I would have kicked his ass for you," Keri said.
"Oh? I thought you were mad at me."
"I still would have kicked his ass for you."
"What did Justin tell you?"
Keri shook her head. "Not as much as I begged him to."
Keri knew that Stephanie never told her everything, but she was shocked to learn that Justin never knew either until about a year ago. "Why didn’t you ever say anything about Jeremiah?"
"I guess I never knew until it was too late," Stephanie said. "He never came right out with it. He was always sort of smothering, and he always liked to get his way, but I thought maybe he was just a little bossy. He could also be so nice to me sometimes."
"Did he ever hit you?"
Stephanie bristled. "What kind of a hit?"
"Jesus, Steph, any kind of a hit!"
"Not most of the time."
"Most of the time?"
"Well, most of the time, he’d just sort of raise up his hand above my face and look at me all mad. Most of the time he didn’t do anything though."
"How many times did he do something?"
"Just once," Stephanie said. "He must have been extra mad or maybe I did something extra wrong. It really didn't hurt that bad. He was so so sorry when it was done. I just wanted him to leave me alone, but he held my shoulders against the wall until I'd let him kiss my cheek. I was so mad at him, I can promise you that kiss felt worse than the slap."
Stephanie paused for a moment and Keri felt a bubbling feeling in her throat that was something in between rage and nausea.
"But, most of the time," Stephanie said, "he just wanted me to know what he was capable of. He wanted me to be scared. He wanted me to know what he could do. And so I could kind of tell that he was bluffing."
"Right," Keri said, "except for that one time when he wasn’t bluffing."
"Oh, I guess."
—
As the summer went on, June, then July, then August, the days left in their safe bubble dwindled down to nothing. Stephanie didn’t want to see Jeremiah ever again, but the day was coming when she would have to. August 6th.
She dreamed of those icy blue eyes filled with unimaginable fury.
She had no body in this dream. She was gone, but she was also everywhere. The great curse of helplessness, of a ghost. She couldn't reach out, she couldn't scream, but she saw everything.
She saw everything, but she couldn't stop him.
Stephanie leapt from her covers with a shriek.
"I died," she said.
Justin felt her hand. It was warm, sweaty, and her pulse was racing.
"You’re not dead, Steph. You’re fine."
"In my dream, I died. I died and they called Jeremiah to take Willow because he’s her legal father. They wouldn't let you keep her. They said she wasn't yours. So he snapped her up and took her far far away. You never saw her again in your whole life."
"It was a dream, Steph, it didn't happen. But if it did, you know I would fight for her."
Stephanie shook her head. "You would never find her. He’d have full legal custody, he’d be gone. He'd be gone in a minute."
"If he killed you, he’d be in jail."
"Not if nobody knew he did it."
"Has he texted you again?"
"No, not again," she said. "He's probably waiting. He's just waiting for the right time. I can’t breathe."
"Sit up. Come here. Steph, come here. You’re just fine, you’re not going to die."
She spoke in short nervous spurts. "But what if I do? I could die. You’ll never see her again. They'll say she's not yours. They won't let you keep her. She’d never see Lily or the baby again. She'll be all alone. What if I died having the baby?"
"Is that how you died in your dream? Do you have any pains? Do you feel okay?"
He felt her belly. The baby must have been sleeping, so he tapped with his fingertips until a little foot or elbow or knee pushed back into his hand. The poor little guy. Justin wondered if babies could feel bad dreams from the inside.
"How did you die in your dream?"
"I don’t remember. It was a dream. I was just dead. The baby was fine, but I was dead. I just don’t want to see him again."
"I’m sorry, Steffie, I don’t know what to do. They say you have to see him. You’ll be in a court room and there will be the judge and police all around you. And I’ll be there, too. If they won't let me inside, I'll stand right by the door. He can’t do anything to hurt you. And who knows, they say he’s been in therapy, maybe he’s changed."
"Do you really think he could have changed?"
Justin couldn't answer that, so he kissed her instead.
"It was nice the past few months," she said. "I almost forgot how nice it could be."
"Yeah, it was nice. It's still nice now, though."
"Remember when he was on Europa? That was the best time ever."
"We’re going to have more good times like that. We’re going to have lots of them, a whole life full of them."
"You really think so?"
"I promise," he said.
—
outtakes: Willow's frog shed // Keri wants to be friendly // girl talk // dinnertime
Oh, poor Steph. I suspected Jeremiah had been physical with her, or at least threatened to be. :\ I so wish there was a way to have Justin legally adopt Willow, without having to get Jeremiah's consent. It really would make things so much easier for them. If only he was as agreeable as Keri. I think Steph and Justin have more trouble from Jeremiah ahead of them, unfortunately.
ReplyDeleteThey're struggling to even enforce the supervised visits for much longer. They really don't have a lot of evidence to fight with, and courts usually favor the natural parents unless they've done something truly heinous. Jeremiah has been a bit aggressive, at most, but he has excuses up his sleeve for everything. They have a few things to hold against him so far, but not enough to take his rights away, especially when he's pushing for shared custody and going through all the trouble to prove his capability. It's gonna be a battle!
DeleteActually I had a friend who died separated from his wife and almost finished with the divorce. He had custody of the children. He left the kids to his sister. The night he died the wife came and took the kids. Within a couple of days the sister had them back again and the mother was not allowed to have anything but supervised visits. So from an American law point of view, if Jeremiah is only allowed supervised visits, and Steph has a valid will - she can leave them with Justin even if they're not adopted as yet.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about your friend. Wow, what a story though! I'm glad his sister was able to get the children in the end.
DeleteThat might work initially, perhaps, but Jeremiah is seeking shared physical custody without visitation. He has not lost any of his legal rights, and the supervised visits are only meant to be temporary in his case and probably won't continue for very much longer if he proves himself well enough.
Funny you mention a will though! I actually wrote another tiny scene that I meant to follow this piece, where Stephanie contacts her lawyer in the morning about setting up a will. She will still do that, even if it is off camera. So Justin will be named as a potential guardian, but that would mostly take effect if both she and Jeremiah died at the same time.
As long as Jeremiah is alive and retains his legal rights, he is under no obligation to include Justin in Willow's life at all. And Stephanie has no power to sign over her half of the shared custody to Justin without Jeremiah's consent, either, so you wouldn't be likely to see a situation where Jeremiah and Justin share custody. Because I'm pretty sure you can guess what Jeremiah would decide about that. :\