Drown #9: the best laid plans, part 2

December 2085. Stephanie Nova is 26, Willow is 4. Jeremiah Day is 28.  

* sensitive content advisory for Drown #9: the best laid plans, parts 1-5


"That's better, huh?" Jeremiah said. "Just the three of us, just the way it's supposed to be."

Stephanie couldn't hide the mix of emotions on her face, wavering between annoyance and disappointment and terror, so she turned her face to the dishwater.

"They were nice people," Stephanie said. "I liked talking to them."

"So let me get this straight, your husband is home after three years at war and you’d rather socialize with two strangers?"

"I didn’t mean it like that. I mean … it’s not like we haven’t been talking at all."

"You’re right," Jeremiah said. "We have been talking. All we’ve done for three years is talk and I don’t want to talk right now, either. I can think of a hundred other things I’d rather do than talk."

"Oh," she said.

She didn't like the way he looked at her then. Not because he looked angry, but the opposite. He looked calm, eager, and expectant.

"But if you liked them so much, maybe we’ll have them over again some other time. You're upset now?"

"No, I’m fine."

"Good, because I have some good news. Tonight was supposed to be a happy occasion. So perk up. It can't get much worse, right? I already know what you did."



Oh, Jesus, she thought. It's happening right now, isn't it? She wanted more time.  

"You don't have to say anything," Jeremiah said. "I understand, actually. We’ve drifted apart. I get it. I couldn’t have done anything to stop it, all that time, all that distance. It would have been a strain on any marriage. But that's finished now. Now we have a chance to put our life back together again. I know just what we'll do to fix everything. I’ll take you and Willow to the ocean. It'll be just the three of us again, just the way it's meant to be. I have a post in South Carolina. I start in February."

"What?"

"It’s a really great assignment, actually. On the ground for the first whole year, we'll have so much time to spend together. You’ll live on the ocean. You could walk from the base to the shore, it’s that close."


"No, I’m not moving to South Carolina. I’m not doing that."

"Well, my darling," he said dramatically, sarcastically, "you’re a military wife. You go where they tell you to go."

"No," she said. "You have to go where they tell you to go."

She regretted saying that. Jeremiah didn't like her when she was snappy. But he was trying to work on his temper, he promised. He took a few calming breaths and it barely calmed him. She could still see his eyebrow twitch, although he had plastered a rattled smile on his face.

"I'm sorry," he said. "You're right. That must be too sudden. I see that we have a lot of catching up to do first. I was excited about the idea of the ocean. I've never been there before. Maybe you have. I didn’t want to upset you. I meant what I told you before, I'm trying to work on my temper. I learned meditation from some guy I was on a shuttle with for three weeks. He was from California, total hippie, but we had nothing better to do than talk and he said the meditation might help. Sometimes it seems like a load of bullshit, but who knows."

Stephanie didn't know what to do. All the wrongs stacked up around her, one after another. She felt the path she was meant to be on slipping away from her—not being lost, but being erased entirely, never to be found again.


Willow skipped into the room and pointed out the window.

"Look, Momma, the snow stopped."

Yes, that was reassuring. Maybe Stephanie could just drive out of here. Load up her daughter in the car and go. There, simple.

Jeremiah frowned at Willow. "She’s up past her bedtime, isn’t she?"

"It's your first night home," Stephanie said. "I thought you two would like to spend some extra time together."


But Willow couldn't stay up forever. She'd need to sleep soon and there wouldn’t be any more visitors stopping by to distract them. And then what? What came next? Stephanie didn't know, so she mentioned the idea of chocolate chip cookies for dessert, and that would promise to keep Willow hyper and awake for at least another hour or two.

Jeremiah left the room and took his irritation with him.


They put their cookies in the oven to bake and Willow told Stephanie about the cartoon she'd been watching. Then she stopped talking and her bottom lip started to tremble. "Can Justin and Lily come back now?"


"Oh, don't be sad, girlie. We'll see them really soon. I know just what we'll do. How about we go for a little drive. We'll drive over to grandma Cindy's house and see Justin and Lily. Would you like that?"

"Uh huh," Willow said.

"It'll have to be a secret until we get in the car, though. Okay? Can you keep a super secret?"

"Uh huh," Willow said.


Stephanie couldn't stomach the idea of even one cookie, but Willow ate several.

Then, after making the promise of escape, Stephanie remembered that Jeremiah still had the car keys.

She froze. Her heart pounded. In a world with no air, she needed the car. She hadn't thought anything of it when he wanted to drive the car home, but then he never gave the keys back. He still had them and she didn't and she couldn't take the car. She had just promised Willow something impossible. They were never getting out of this house. Jeremiah had them now and he would keep them and take them to South Carolina and that would be their life. It was all over. Stephanie couldn't breathe. Had he been planning this all along?

"Don't be sad, Momma. Wanna see a funny face?"

"Yes, girlie, let's see it."



Jeremiah found them again. "Did I break up the party?"

"Just some girl talk," Stephanie said.

You’re overreacting, Stephanie thought. You didn’t see what you thought you saw. Just ask for the keys. He'll hand them over. You’ll see. It was all a simple misunderstanding.


"Hey," she said, "do you still have the car keys? I think I left something out there."

"I’ll get it for you," Jeremiah said. "What was it?"

"No, you don't have to get it for me. I can do it."

"I’d be honored, my love," he said. "It’s awful out there. I wouldn’t think of sending you out in it. Just tell me what you need."

"I'm perfectly capable," Stephanie said, feeling her voice start to quiver and trying to mask it. "I just need—"


"Stephanie, I insist."

She stopped trying to bargain with him any further. "You know, never mind. I just remembered where I think it might be. It wasn't important."

"There's something else you forgot," he said. "Something more important."

"What?"

"Your wedding ring."

Stephanie wrung her fingers and felt the bare place where her ring should have been. It was true. She hadn't worn her wedding ring in so long that she'd forgotten she ever had one. All the preparations and she’d forgotten to put her ring back on. Of all the things that would probably make him mad, how could she forget that?

"I was gardening." she said. "I just forgot to put it back on."

Jeremiah bellowed with laughter. "Don’t lie to me, babe. It makes me angry when you lie to me, and you know how I hate to get angry. You're supposed to make me a better man, Stephanie. You're supposed to soothe me. But this? You never used to take off your ring to garden. I know it wasn't that precious to you. And gardening in December? Really?"

She froze. She couldn't say anything. She couldn't tell him the truth and she couldn't tell him lies, either. The words wouldn’t come out. She just didn't want to be here anymore. There wasn’t anger that grew in his eyes, but something else, something more calculating. This was a game, wasn’t it? She was the worst liar alive and she was going to lose at this game. She tried to look him in the eyes when she said it but his eyes were icy and cold, so she looked somewhere else, behind him and around him.

"I’m sorry," she said.


"Good," he said. "You actually should be sorry. You haven’t said so, but you should be. Stephanie, I know that you haven’t been a good wife these past couple of years. It bothered me at first, but three years is a long time and I know you're not very strong in willpower. You were lonely. It happens. But that's over now. It's in the past. You don't realize how lucky you are that I'm willing to forgive you for that. You and I have a lot of healing to do, but I have no doubt we can make it work. You just need some time, and you'll see. You'll want it, too."

He leaned down and kissed her cheek so sweetly, his lips were as light as a feather on her skin. She shivered.


Maybe she didn't need the car. Maybe she could just run. She used to do it barefoot in the summertime when she was twelve. She'd run between Justin’s house and hers back when the planet still had air. It wasn't even a mile. She used to condition for the soccer team, a mile in 7:14. They said the air was only breathable for thirty seconds, the length of time it took to walk from a house to a car, but maybe that was a safe estimate. Stephanie had been out there for several minutes before she started to feel dizzy. At least two or three minutes. But never seven whole minutes. Now it wasn't summertime, it was winter and there was six inches of snow on the ground. Now she'd be carrying a three year-old. Now there was no air to breathe. How far could she run with no air?

The next chance she got to check her phone, there was an onslaught of silent texts from Justin over the past hour.

Justin: We had popcorn and watched a movie. 

Justin: Lily finally went down. She hates going to bed without Willow. 

Justin: Are Jeremiah's friends still there? 

Justin: Stephanie? 

Justin: Sorry, I'll leave you alone. Maybe you're having a good time. Gonna go eat some ice cream. Lonely ice cream.

Justin: But wait, Steph, are your parents there?

Justin: ?

Justin: I'm not being clingy, I swear. I just want to know. 

Justin: Stephanie, write back. Just write back once. 

Justin: I'll leave you alone if you tell me to, but you have to write back. 

Justin: ?????

Justin: Steffie, if you don’t write back in five minutes, I’m calling you.

The final text was five minutes ago. Stephanie’s phone rang.


"It’s my mom," Stephanie said to Jeremiah, turning away from him. She wanted to leave the room, but he stood between her and the doorway, watching. The best she could do was walk to the window.


"Hi, Mom," Stephanie said.

Justin said, "Steph, what's wrong?"

"Everything's fine."

"I don't believe you. What happened?"


She didn't even know how to answer that question. Nothing had happened ... yet. Unless hijacking the car keys counted. Unless making his friends leave before they'd finished dinner counted. Unless being overbearing and intimidating counted. She didn't know what counted or whether she was being paranoid. She only knew that she didn't want to be here. Jeremiah stared at her back and she knew that he didn't believe her mother was on the phone. How could she tell Justin what was wrong without Jeremiah knowing?

"Stephanie, say something," Justin begged.

The words wouldn't come out. Just tell him, she thought. But then she’d have to face Jeremiah’s wrath on her own for however many minutes it took him to get here. Just whisper it, just mouth the words. Not fine. That’s all you have to do. I’m not fine.

Jeremiah was watching. He'd see it if she didn't say anything, or if she did.

But she didn’t need to do any of that. Just this much, stalling to think for ten seconds, the panic in her short quick breaths, the telltale tremble in her voice. She didn’t have to say anything to Justin, he knew.

"I’m coming to get you."

"Yes, please," she whispered.

"Get Willow ready."

"Okay."


Stephanie felt better already as she hung up the phone, even though there was a dreadful suspicion in her gut that Jeremiah would try to kill Justin in exactly five minutes. She pushed that fear aside and started to clean the room. She felt better enough to flash Jeremiah a weary smile and a shrug.

"My mom just wanted to check in. She’ll be by in the morning."


Stephanie cleaned the kitchen and tried to plan it out in her head. There was six inches of snow on the ground already, but at least there wouldn't be any more. She hoped Justin could make it here okay. She hoped he wasn’t driving too fast. She hoped he wouldn't be too hasty and slide off the road into a ditch or light post. At least, for the next few minutes, she could busy herself with her worries about Justin instead of herself.

She wanted to stand in front of the kitchen window until he got here. She wanted to see his car pull up the street before Jeremiah did. Once she started to put on their shoes, Jeremiah would know. He would know and he would try to stop her. She tried to look calm, but Jeremiah wasn't convinced.

But then she remembered their icy bubble in the woods. She did remember how to soothe Jeremiah, how to keep his temper at bay. She remembered how amicable he could be when he thought that he had everything he ever wanted, when he thought that she was all his. For the next few minutes, she could give that to him and maybe he would relax enough that she could get Willow ready to escape.

Stephanie found some raspberry jam in the cupboard, a bag of flour, and she checked the fridge and found that they had some whipped cream and plenty of eggs and milk. She started the dishwasher so the cooking bowls and utensils would all be clean in the morning.


"Look," she said to him. "We could make breakfast for everyone in the morning. We could do it together, like we used to in Three Lakes. I remember you liked the raspberry pancakes with whipped cream, didn't you? Unless you've changed your mind since then?"

"No, I still like them," he said.


When she looked up to him again, there was half a twinkle in his eye then, a softening, a belief, that proved to Stephanie that she was maybe not the absolute worst liar in the world.

"That sounds nice," he said. "See, I knew you remembered Three Lakes. I knew you remembered how happy we were there."

Not too much, Stephanie thought. He wouldn't believe it. She smiled gently. "I never forgot Three Lakes and everything that happened there."


She took Willow to the door and laced up Willow's boots. "It's almost time, girlie. We need to be super brave, okay?"

"Okay, momma."

Jeremiah found them in the foyer. "What are you doing?"

He saw their boots on and Stephanie's purse by the door. He came closer, reaching out for Stephanie's arm, but she jumped back and picked up Willow in her arms. Stephanie didn't know if she should feel clever or ashamed for using her three-year-old daughter as a bodyguard, but it worked. He didn't come any closer.

"You can stay here," Stephanie said. "There's plenty to eat, and I don't care where you sleep. My parents will stop over tomorrow morning, and I’ll bring Willow back for a visit. We can talk about some things tomorrow, there's so much to talk about and I didn’t think you’d want to tonight."

"That wasn't your mom on the phone. You're a liar. I should have known you were lying. Breakfast in the morning? You always lie to me."

"I didn't lie. My parents will stop by in the morning. I'll bring Willow back to visit and I’ll even make breakfast. But I’m not staying here tonight."

"You think you're leaving me, but you're not. You think this little tantrum is the end of our marriage? Well, it's not."

Stephanie tried to think of a response, but then the room flashed bright with car headlights. Justin was here.


"Who's in the car?"

"It doesn’t matter."

"Funny, you don’t want him to come in, do you?"

"No," Stephanie said. "Don't hurt him, please. Not in front of Willow."

"Why not? You think he doesn't deserve it?"

"I don't know who deserves what, but Willow doesn't deserve to see that."

"Did you think I would kill him right here, tonight, in the foyer of your parents house with our daughter watching? Silly girl. Murder is messy. I wouldn’t get away with it like that. Don’t you think I’m smarter than that? Believe me, darling, you wouldn't even see it coming."


Stephanie tried to signal out the window for Justin to stay in the car, but it was no use. He didn't even turn the car off before he'd sprinted out of it toward the door.

"Justin, old friend," Jeremiah said. "It's kind of funny how it all worked out, don't you think? You were there at our wedding. You took pictures to send to her family."

"We're not talking about this tonight. We can talk some more tomorrow. Steph, get in the car."

"You're right, what's to talk about? It is what it is—she's my wife, not yours. So this is like those sleepovers you two used to have in grade school. How charming. Sweetheart, don’t you want to pack some pajamas for your little sleepover?"

Justin said, "Steph, take Willow to the car."

"You come, too," Stephanie said.

"I'm coming. I'm right behind you. You first."


"Did you really think it would be that easy to steal my whole family? You thought you'd just walk out of the house with them and it would all be over?"

"I'm not stealing your family," Justin said. They're not yours anymore, he thought, but had the better sense not to say that out loud. "You can still see Willow."

Jeremiah cackled. "You'll allow me to see Willow? You'll allow me to see my own daughter? You're not in any position to tell me whether I can see my wife and my daughter. I should have pushed you off a mountain back in Three Lakes when I had the chance."

"Neither of us need to fall off of any mountains," Justin said. "We can work this out."

Jeremiah's eyes turned cold and sharp. He clenched his fists into tight balls. "No, we can't. But if you're smart, then you'll get the hell out of my face before I change my mind about letting Willow see you get murdered."


Justin could see right away that diplomacy and reasoning would not work here—he probably shouldn't have said anything at all. Now he wondered whether Jeremiah was just trying to be a bully or whether the threats might be viable.

Justin waited for Stephanie to get Willow buckled in her car seat, both of them safely inside the car, before he took his eyes off of Jeremiah. For that minute, all he could do was look Jeremiah in his cold eyes and feel ashamed of himself for having just stood there and held his peace while Stephanie married such a terror.

— to be continued —